And Away Went the Weekend

Boy - when I set my mind to it, I really can fill up a weekend.

Friday: After a busy week, I rushed home to go to dinner with my sister and the Diva. Long battles over hair care had led to an adorable page boy styling during the day. She looks like she fell out of a 1920s fashion magazine, our little Diva. Her pert little nose is all the more upturned. I just can't get over how cute she looks!

After dinner, we wanted a movie. We decided to go old school and check out the rental district. Old Hollywood Video. The place still smells the same. I'm shocked there are rental places now that Blockbuster Online and Netflix exist. It was a fun flashback to my childhood...my father loves movies and we saw just about everything in the acceptable sections of the video store. We would spend hours just wandering around the stacks while Dad attempted to find something he'd not seen. We didn't have to work quite so hard this time since we rarely rent a video. Still, nice flashback. We ended up watching Bratz Fairy Tales and 27 Dresses.

Saturday: The day started at 7 am for me. A women's crisis organization for which I volunteer was hosting an Art & Activism event at a local university. The teen intervention program displays and performs original art. The kids are adorably nervous. I took tickets and fretted about having enough food for adolescent boys. The organization has been focusing outreach on young men as a means to prevent violence towards women. We had a great turnout of boys - but only 2 girls....who looked terribly uncomfortable. I know it was Mother's Day weekend but I was concerned. I worry how many of the absent girls who glanced in but rushed away will someday be sitting where I'm sitting. I remember feeling so confident before Steve that women like me didn't have to worry about abusive, coercive relationships. I was my mother's daughter - I couldn't be manipulated or hurt because abusive men would be looking for weak women, not survivors like me. It occurred to me too late that coercing a strong-willed woman produces a stronger power high than overtaking the easily overtaken. Abusive men don't always hit or yell. Sometimes they're more subtle and it's so hard to see where you're going until you arrive. By that time, you barely remember your former self. So, I worried a bit about that - I worried about the false sense of security. Then I took faith in the fact that if we stop these guys from taking the path, maybe I won't have to worry about a few more of the women.

After the event, I rushed home. My sister called as I was en route to inform me that the Relief Society President had called to requent earlier help than expected. A woman at church was hosting a funeral (complicated situation - too difficult to describe) and 1) she was being demanding while 2) too few people had arrived to help. Sister and I rushed through our pedicures before rushing over to work the kitchen for the funeral.

The Relief Society President was not joking. Demanding with too few hands. We plated each item at least twice before it was acceptable. The funeral was very lavish. I had to remind myself over and over again that, for this woman, presentation was love. Her attention to detail was her contribution to the grieving family members. So, I plated and re-plated and garnished and re-garnished.

The only true challenge arrived when the woman's grandmother brought a beautiful chocolate cake on the most ghastly, ancient Tupperware ever seen. I knew it would be unacceptable but grandma, in her grief, had not thought of the need to transfer the cake to a more acceptable cake display. We looked in horror at the cake. We had to transfer it but the risk of breaking the cake was so high. We found a thin, glass plate. I lifted the cake inch by inch with a long chefs knife as the glas serving tray slid beneath it. When we finally had the whole cake on the tray and had cleaned the tray back to shining, we let out a collective sigh of relief. The funeral hostess came in and immediately asked how we were going to get it on the cake plate (one of those gaudy pedestal nightmares that would have worked if granny had remembered to put the cake on parchment paper before icing). We looked at her expectantly. She looked at the cake. She looked at us. She tried to problem solve. Then she said, "Yes, you're right. It wouldn't have worked. Excellent choice." After she walked away, I looked at my sister and said, "You realize this means I have to die now. There's absolutely no higher pinnacle of achievement in life." We laughed and went back to preparing the elaborate post-service meal.

After we were dismissed from funeral service, we went out for delicious barbecue food to celebrate Mother's Day. It was the first non-scraps we'd eaten since morning, so we enjoyed our meat and potatoes!

I ran home after dinner to meet the only guy I'm still dating. Circumstances post-London have made me realize I can't keep running that fast. I need to focus and keep down the stress. FrontRunner is sweet and likes me and was willing to just go to the movies. We saw The Iron Man. I loved the movie. Robert Downey Jr was fantastic as the egocentric and vain rich playboy who grows a conscience. The reinvention of superhero movies for current times has me quite fascinated. The darkness and juxtaposition of fear and love for technology - really interesting. I am eager for the day when my children are studying these dark, heroic movies as signs of our times. I am eager for where we go as a race from this moment towards that future.

Now, it's hard to say if I imagined this part or not, but I think I saw the jerk Ex himself. I am not sure. Certainly, he had been on my mind that morning and, as I sat laughing with FrontRunner in the movie, I only saw the man in half an eye. As I did so, I realized I'm starting to erase that once unforgettable face from my memory - and that's a great relief. I have decided to pretend it was him because I was happy and being cared for by a kind & gentle man while the man I saw looked lonely and upset at seeing us. While I don't really care to be seen at all by that man, the moment in the theater is how I would want it to be if I am forced into his presence at any point in time. So, I'm going to pretend it was and that I have made relationship history (per Hugh Grant in Music & Lyrics) - I was doing well when someone who made me very not well was nearby...and I didn't vomit or pass out or feel anything at all about him other than relief over my own freedom.

The biggest concern I have with FrontRunner came at the close of the date. We have such a good time together. I talk. He listens. I'm trying to make him talk more. We like many things in common. But I'm not particularly passionate about him. I don't know if that matters. I don't know if it's just a reaction to my past. So, I've decided to date him for 6 months (we'ver been dating about 3 now) if he continues to want to date me. And then I can decide if there's really a future in this. For all I know, he'll disappear tomorrow. So I am grateful for what is and not worrying about what is not.

Sunday: Our ward does Mother's Day well. The last hour all the men do the work while we women are fed luncheon. We chat and sit in the sun as we eat chicken salad and cake. It's really quite lovely. Anyone who says Mormon women are repressed should visit our ward on Mother's Day. We all talk about many things from politics to childrearing to how grateful we are to belong to a church where men have responsibilities so that the women don't have to do everything. We love who we are and we're connected to each other in so many ways. We can run a funeral that comforts the weariest of souls and then laugh so hard together that we can barely complete a meeting. It's just heavenly.

My sister took a nap and I sat down to watch Atonement while Brother-in-law entertained the children. I love this movie. I know it's supposedly depressing - but I really enjoy it. I'm kinda hyper on the responsibility vibe, I know, but I wonder if we don't need more movies that discuss how actions taken have consequences we don't get to choose and many of those choices that we believe so justified could, in the end, haunt us for our entire lifetime. I wish they had taken out the F-word and the one overly long scene in the library so that more people could see this lovely and thought-provoking movie.

Ah. The end of Mother's Day. My niece and nephew are both crying hysterically downstairs over a blanket. The threats to be sent to bed without any snack are bandying about. So, I end on a rather amusing note from my horoscope as I cry my way through the last 2 minutes of Atonement.

Life: It's suddenly come to you -- the perfect way to make money, live forever and find your soul mate. Great. Now take just one second to realize that all of this, while quite a pleasant fantasy, may also take some monumental effort on your part to bring about.

Very true. And the epiphanical event that led to my realization can be seen by emailing Cate to ask if you can see the London pics. I'm so excited to have the whole story in picture form. It's so easy to forget the pleasant moments when your brain is all you can depend upon. Now, I must get to work to achieve my happy thoughts.

Love: If they don't understand what you're up against and how hard you're trying to please two masters -- with very little sleep -- they're not worth it.

Truer words have rare been spoken. School and work. I am the English Canal being battled over by England and France. Demanding, distressing, never-ending - I just have to remain calm and do my best to keep the dirt and mental clutter from stopping the flow to the sea.

Energy: Your ordinarily astounding memory has suddenly failed you. All you can remember now is how great things were -- In The Old Days. Stop that. It's time to move on.

Ah. I remember when I used to be a good student. Nope. Can't think on it. Now is the time to do the work. And with that, I am off to fail another assignment. I can understand why C-students drop out at a high rate. To work and work and work for no reward - very aggravating. But, alas, it has helped me to realize that pursuing a substitute rather than the real dream can just lead to disappointment.