I've Got Bangs

A week ago, I was allergic to my hair. In the resultant aftermath, I didn't think much about my actual hairstyle. But yesterday I had the wherewithal to style my hair.

I have bangs.

I don't even like the word. My stylist calls them "something" as in "you need a little something on your forehead." Then she hacked and hacked and left me with a giant spider frozen mid-rest on its perilous journey to lay eggs in my mouth.

So, the bangs themselves are a hard sale for me - I hate having bits of things in my eyes, I won't even wear glasses because I hate the way they feel on my face....but then I realized something else. With the two-tone coloring, the addition of bangs has made me resemble:
The blonde short-haired chick in Bananarama

Yes, it's true. I am one bad perm away from true '80s hair. I'm not old enough to like this retro turn in my life. For one thing, I have actual pictures from the '80s and here's a little fact: Everyone looked AWFUL in the '80s.

Everyone. Even the celebrities looked terrible.



Hair, hair everywhere and not a drop too much bleach! The clothes made everyone look fat. Skin and hair sobbed for want of conditioner. We used enough hairspray to puncture the atomsphere and still we looked awful. I have never seen a single pretty picture from the '80s where the people didn't look like they were wearing too much of the wrong kind of clothes and should put the mop in the closet, not on their head. Utah got so stuck in the decade that 20 years later, the '80s bangs are still seen on magazine covers. They only began to recover and what did LA decide to do? Bring back the '80s. My hair is stark testimony to the trend I hoped would never circle back to stylish.

No, I can't do it. The '70s I could consider. The '60s - well, maybe if I had an actual rat living in my hair and exterminators couldn't get it to leave. But the '80s? No way.

So, today, I have pinned back those bangs. I'm sure bangs alone were not sufficient to hide the large features, high forehead with perfectly centered Goddess mark. I'd prefer to be beastly than a member of the Beastie Boys.

And you can quote me on that.