Oh Shame Where Hast Thou Gone?

There are just some things about which I have no inhibition.* And letting a joke play out...well, that's just one of them.

I was eating ice cream at Ghirardelli in Pasadena. A lovely concoction of vanilla bean ice cream, warm gooey fudge, and a decadent brownie. It was almost good enough to help me to ignore the antics of a nearby, very obnoxious employee.

She was one of those excessively loud people. Now, I know, dear reader, that you don't know me. But I am not loud. I'm daring and un-inhibited and silly....but not loud. I'm quiet. Thoughtful. And when things get really loud, I get a little edgy. So, Obnoxious was doing exceedingly bad impressions of who-knows-what in a voice so loud that my chocolate turned to glass before shattering. I was trying to talk to a friend and pretend not to be annoyed.

As luck would have it, I needed to use the restroom. I am born into a family of very small bladders. If you ever need a Glo-family female, check the restroom.

I requested the key in my usual soft tones. Obnoxious chick announced, "Oh! I think there's someone in there! Let me check!"

She is so NOT going to knock, I wondered. But she did. She banged on the door. "Hey you! You in there! There's people need the bathroom! We gonna have to call the police to get you outta there?!" She began to make noise like a police blotter reading out the call.

She turned to me to laugh. "Man, I love this trick!" she said conspiratorially.

As she laughed at her own joke, I heard the person respond. Obnoxious was already on her way back with the spare key to open the door. I reached out a hand to stop her, but, in all honesty, all Obnoxious could hear was her own voice, cackling about her police joke, and all she could see was her own plan.

And I smirked. I could have interceded, but I did not. I smirked.

She turned the key, continuing her police joke. "Hey! It's okay! I'm coming in for you! We all pass out sometimes, honey, no need to be embarrassed!"

The man inside guffawed in absolute shock. I smirked. Obnoxious went quiet for a minute - but not long enough for real self-awareness. "Ah, it's okay," she reassured the now-exposed gentleman as though it really were HIS fault she had just entered. "Just hurry along and then give the key to this nice lady."

It was an unbelievable moment of perfect hilarity.