I came out of yoga yesterday with an amazing feeling of goodwill. My body understands yoga; it’s the only physical fitness activity I can perform without humiliation. (Polo Dude once claimed that for me, even walking becomes an extreme sport. It’s not a problem of gracefulness, but of ditziness. I can be walking down a familiar street and run into a light pole because I get distracted by flowers.)
It’s important to note that I am no “pretty” exerciser. My skin gets blotchy and I wear baggy, unimpressive clothes. There’s no White Tank Top of Torture (for which I humbly thank Old Navy for its clever design – honorable mention to Victoria’s Secret, of course) or even the usual mess of red hair. Not pretty, I tell you.
Anyway, after class, I hung back for a few minutes to talk to the guy who has been driving me to distraction since November. We’re chatting away about nothing in particular. I mention how smooth the move went and how happy I am at the moment. In my typical flippant air, I joke, “If you ever had anything to ask me, now’s the moment.”
He went dead serious. He looked at me, glanced away, and then looked back with this strange, intense look in his eyes. I hurriedly added, “Within reason.”
Then he started mentioning his girlfriend every 2-3 seconds to the end of the conversation. Yeah, like I have EVER forgotten about her.
Honestly, if my love life gets any more tragic, I will have to sell it as storyline to One Tree Hill.
Coming this fall to WB! The first REALITY soap opera: G.Lo Loses Out! Thursdays at 8.
It’s important to note that I am no “pretty” exerciser. My skin gets blotchy and I wear baggy, unimpressive clothes. There’s no White Tank Top of Torture (for which I humbly thank Old Navy for its clever design – honorable mention to Victoria’s Secret, of course) or even the usual mess of red hair. Not pretty, I tell you.
Anyway, after class, I hung back for a few minutes to talk to the guy who has been driving me to distraction since November. We’re chatting away about nothing in particular. I mention how smooth the move went and how happy I am at the moment. In my typical flippant air, I joke, “If you ever had anything to ask me, now’s the moment.”
He went dead serious. He looked at me, glanced away, and then looked back with this strange, intense look in his eyes. I hurriedly added, “Within reason.”
Then he started mentioning his girlfriend every 2-3 seconds to the end of the conversation. Yeah, like I have EVER forgotten about her.
Honestly, if my love life gets any more tragic, I will have to sell it as storyline to One Tree Hill.
Coming this fall to WB! The first REALITY soap opera: G.Lo Loses Out! Thursdays at 8.
27 comments:
Wait. Is One Tree Hill on FOX? I'm so confused.
BTW - does Polo Dude have a blog? And if he doesn't - why not?
Darn you. Must now revise entry...as I have said, Tivo takes care of me now, I have no need to know trivial details like network or air time.
Polo Dude's wife (Texanne) has threatened to kill him if he starts a project before he writes his thesis. We never know when she's joking, so he's playing it safe.
Oh I didn't mean you needed to revise the entry. Was playing oblivious brunette to unappreciative audience *harumph*.
That’s what I get for checking in late, I miss all the typos and misprints… damn. Well, I hope they make onto the DVD extras when season one comes out. I won’t lie to you, I’ll buy it.
I'm a yoga fan myself. I'm not advanced enough to take classes but I'm getting pretty good with the "for Dummies" video...yahoo!
Aren't the men we crush on silly? Why must they constantly remind us that they have girlfriends? That's the kind of thing that girls are experts at keeping track of...well, only when we care, right? Hee.
Sam, truer words have ne'er been spoken. I crush on a lot of guys, though, so I will soon have a new one (wasn't I just gushing about Andy two days ago??)
As for the DVD, small problem in marketing. Should I go with the large elephant for the logo or the small racoon....the giant redwood or the wheeping willow...just can't seem to figure out which animal and tree best define me.
I’m terrible at letting things go. I tend to carry things around for a long time and when associations are made for things, it is extremely difficult for me to break them. Like every time I see a fire breathing dragon scorch the landscape around my apartment, I’ll think of you. In 24 hours, this comment won’t make much sense.
I don't like to brag, but good stalking (even in dragon form) is all about the details. Worming your way into someone's mind and life 24 hours a day - takes finesse. That's why I'm such a leader in the field. You can check out my books at www.gloenvy.com (one of these invented sites is bound to be a very funny real website).
As soon as you've got an idea for the DVD cover, let me know. I'll make it happen.
This just further proves my theory that taken men are more attractive. And since I'm married, I must be H-O-T-T. (hopefully that comment does not move me behind jon)
Anyway, I think the guy could have had fun with that comment, but instead he blew it and made it uncomfortable. Dweeb.
Leader doesn’t even begin to describe it. Pioneer starts to come close, but still isn’t right. A new word needs to be invented to describe your place in the stalking world.
Side note, my job is really becoming a nuisance to my blog life.
Omar - I was just thinking, "Wouldn't it be great if I had a friend who was amazing with computers, capable of altering any picture to make it funny, and indescribably hott (note the double t's - guaranteed to make any comment funny) due to married status with whom I could flirt with and convince to create me a really cool logo....?
Jon - job is always a bummer when I'd rather be blogging. Must talk to boss about this...As for stalking title, I've consider "Stalker Sensacional" for the latin flair...
General comment - I am soooo easy to flirt with and so willing to be silly that it would have been easy to keep said conversation to the non-embarrassing level. However, it's all done now.
That’s weird that you would be thinking that at the same time he was… I feel like I could be loosing a stalker… Well, if I am, at least it’s to Omar, the illiterate black hole of humor. I can’t feel bad about that, when you’re beat, you’re beat. However, it’s been an absolute pleasure to be stalked by you, G-lo, for the past 22 years. Here’s to the memories…
Whoa, whoa....not so fast. I decide when stalking ends, my dear, not the victim. I pride myself on loyalty.
So *harumph* if you don't appreciate all I've done for you just because I want to use and abuse someone else occasionally, then there is no future for this psychotic relationship.
No, that’s not it at all, I just figured after 22 years I had worn out my welcome. I mean, the foundation of any good psychotic relationship is lack of communication. In the past few months, I think we’ve really broken that down that wall of silence between stalker/victim that use to separate us. I think this is fairly uncharted territory, that’s all I’m saying.
Well, now that THAT's all cleared up. Uhm, think twice before opening any brown paper packages with threatening blood-red lettering. I'm a passionate soul prone to knee-jerk reactions. Sorry there.
I know this is groundbreaking territory. When I announced at the SRSA convention that I'd made contact, there were many disapproving stares and the newsletter was FULL of letters to the editor (me) about how it would fail. But it's daring moves like this that make me a trendsetter in the industry. Next issue, I plan to write up my success (the convenience of having your victim stop by occasionally, the joy of knowing what really gets them ticking, the pursuit about the internet).
Of course, the hallmark of my remarkable dating life is the flirtation with unavailable men and stalking of the single. It takes effort to be this tragic, really.
The effort has been tremendous. No one can argue that. I’ve been a fairly inconsiderate victim though, haven’t I? I mean, I always make you come to me. I don’t even know if you have a car? For all I know you’re walking both ways. What a pain! And over that last holiday weekend, I was all over the place, I must have put over 400 miles on my car… that’s got to be hell to keep up with. And at the beginning of next month I’ll be going to NY for 10 days! Oh the trials of a stalker! I don’t envy you.
you ARE violetta...my god...
at least you weren't tosca. can't have you jumping off any ledges now...
BIIIGGG hugs for you, G!
You're awesome, I hope you know that.
Sad story...I'm so sorry! What a horrible man this guys father must be!
Jon - haven't worked out the details of NY yet...will be a logistical nightmare as have to be at work. Maybe other members of SRSA will help out. They are less forthright, though, so be prepared for random attacks in alleyways and near-death experiences on public transportation.
Jasmine - yes, my diva days were quite dramatic. If it all happened today, I would use foul language and do what I pleased. Alas, 'twas not so in yesteryear (weepy hand to forehead).
Sam - he wasn't. I left out the parts that put me in a much worse light. People are neither good nor bad, they just react to the situation in the way they see best.
Addendum disappearing now. Sorry to anyone confused by the comments once the post changes.
Jasmine got there first, but: that was suitably operatic. I'm struggling a little with the "if I don't sing that makes it right" logic, though. I can understand the associations making singing impossible, but I can't understand *not* singing to be making amends. Still... that's opera. Illogic all the way.
Guess you'll have to delete this along with the post, then.
I know the logistics will be tricky, but I’ll be staying with friends, so you won’t have to waste your time calling all the local hotels and checking all my aliases to find out where I am. But I have to warn you, ticket prices are RIDICULOUS right now. I checked last night, and the best I could find was $445. Of course, that was before I called my mom to see if she had seen anything better (she’s phenomenal at finding great airfares), she couldn’t, so I went back to purchase tickets, and they had jumped up to $504… in the span of 1 hour!!! I’m slightly outraged…
Oh yeah, as for random alley attacks and near death experiences on the subway, well, that’s just part of the charm of NY. (Oddly enough, in the 2 ½ years that I lived there, and the many times I rode the trains by myself at 3 or 4 am, I never had a single problem. In fact, when I would go places, people routinely held doors for me, said thank you when I did the same for them and were fairly polite in general. I think NYC has a bum wrap, and I wont perpetuate it.)
(I agree, but it's no fun to mention. I have had nothing but good experiences in New York - helpful, funny interactions with the nicest of strangers. I even had 2 people ask if I wanted to go on vacation with them because "I was such a sweet, helpful person." Hard to be scared of anyone using that phrase.)
I'm a little bummed that I'll have to farm out the stalking responsibilities, but it may further my platform. Still a lot of naysayers in regards to 'friendly stalking'. If they will just embrace the assignment, I'm sure it will be the next big phase of obsessive-compulsive relationships...
Scroob- never claimed it was logical. Thanks to the fun of therapy, I realized that, but therapy came after 2 years of self-fladulation and injurious behavior, so it was a little late to correct the association. We all do dumb stuff as kids. Mine was illogical, overly dramatic, and self-injurious. I just thank God that it never led to anything more permanently damaging.
I NOW realize that not singing fixes nothing, but the Pavolov response is so strong that I have yet to overcome the physiological reactions that inhibit the ABILITY to produce pure tones. One way or the other, as long as I still harbor any residual trauma, I will only have a 'nice' voice, not the brilliant soprano that once existed.
Well, you do what you feel is best. Although it will probably be weird for me not to see that little red dot on the foreheads of all the people I come into contact with… But if it helps the movement, it can’t be all bad, right?
My psychosis is conflicted! To further my vanity, I must advance my ambitions but in so doing, I remove the source of someone's happiness. Yet my self-serving ego insists that I please all the people all the time. What to do?
Well, think of it this way, if you can answer that question, think of the revelation it will bring to the stalking world… it’s mind boggling really…
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