Unlike Alannis, I have a fairly good grasp on irony. Take this morning. I was obsessing about what to write today while listening to my MP3 player. The interviewer announced he would be speaking with a woman who has written a book about web addiction.
Ironic, no? There I was pondering the very thing she would address.
I drug my mind away from blogging to listen to her message. The final statement: "If you think you need help, contact Christine at Blah-blah-blah.com."
What? To get help with my web addiction, I should contact her via the web? That doesn't seem very useful. What's next? Recover from a crack addiction in the comfort of your old drug den? Come to the porn addiction meeting at Stripper's Paradise on Sunset and Vine - free show and buffet for attendees?? Gambling problem? Viejas Casino offers free counseling at the Roulette wheel.
Ironic, right?
I have always laughed at Phillip Morris attempts to prove they are humanitarians: "Sure, we lied to and nearly wiped out the population, but we're really just cuddly bears trying to keep harmful chemicals away from little icky-kins in the United States."
McDonalds claims: "Already obese people - get your heart attack plus colon cancer with a side of yummy fruit." Yet, when you read the label, the fruit is magically devoid of fiber and has artificially added Vitamin C. What freakish genetic experiment came up with such an unnatural fruit substitute?
Now the best place to get psychological help is the very cause of the addiction. Maybe it's just some good ole capitalistic cynicism, but haven't we taken the 'anything for a buck' mentality too far? Sure, it's fun to blow up regions of the world in order to maintain the right to broadcast 'Desperate Housewives' worldwide. And I won't belittle the joy I get from genital herpes ads during prime time (to help you talk to the kiddies about sex, maybe?). But can't we draw the line at furthering mental illness just so we maintain the market share?
Anyway, I'm off to my 'Women who love too much' meeting sponsored by eHarmony. Maybe today I'll discover the key to independence AND find my true love....
Yikes. Life is too, too much sometimes.
24 comments:
The genital herpes ads always make me think - to the girl in the ad who is obviously getting it on with the guy she's frolicking around with - "Well, maybe if you weren't such a ho-bag you wouldn't have a sexually transmitted disease. And then go around passing it on to other people." Bad Cate. I know.
I always wonder about the actors in those ads… at what point do you say, “The rent is due and I have no money… looks like I’ve genital herpes this week.” And the people in the commercials have it bad enough, but what about the models in the print ads? Could you ever get past that point in your career? And more importantly, would your friends ever let you forget it? I know I wouldn’t, but I’m an ass.
Oh yeah, I also think this is right up there with those “Learn to Read and Write” books I see them selling at Barnes and Nobles. I personally think that they are completely missing their target audience.
Let's all contemplate why blogger hats me so. 3rd attempt at leaving a comment. If it rejects this one, I will assume the cosmos thinks I should get back to work.
Cate, I find myself wishing it would show her and her partner having a serious talk, complete with charts and condom options, so I think you're a little kinder than I am.
Jon - Janine Turner has an ad that makes me nearly weep. She once had a hit show. Now she pleads with me to consider unnecessary medication.
I have to say, though, that urinary incontinence ads are my new favorites. I'll flip channels all night just to catch one or two. Wish I could program Tivo to search for them...
Blogger hates me more. I’m currently suffering Cadiz Syndrome…
Showing my Blog-land ignorance - what is Cadiz syndrome? Feeling really bad if Cadiz-12 lurks here...
She’s the only other person I’ve seen with the problem I’m having right now… I don’t know, maybe no one else is having it too. When you try to visit my blog, you just get a blank screen. Sometimes I forget who’s in what circle, I apologize. Is my blog back up and viewable?
hmmm...nope... not for me anyway.
Problem solved, please have the task force disassembled and the ground troops recalled. People can once again be made more ignorant by reading my drivel.
Wow, I’m really dominating the comments here. I’ll bet all the other commentators are super jealous… That's a lot of orange ninjas...
While I'm certain that knowledge of my blog life will somehow be incorporated into the most important moment of life and save you from an otherwise dreary fate, I will pardon your ignorance.
Glad to hear you're back up. Guess I need to write a letter of apology to Blogger for having snarfed their leader in protest.
BTW, Jon - is there any logic to your ninja assignments? I have invested more time than I care to admit in podering this question.
There is. Figure it out and you will unlock the key to my mind. That will allow you to predict my every move. Pretty helpful for a stalker if you think about it.
Never met a riddle I could solve...If I had that kind of interpersonal insight, I would not resort to stalking perfect strangers, would I?!
Hence the ironic name? But if you did have that kind of insight, then you could totally make it look like I was stalking you… probably to the point where I would have to question my own sanity.
Wait, when's this porn addiction meeting?
My favorite irony is my credit card company offering me credit tips, credit counseling, and then increasing my limit without my consent (but with the full knowledge that I'll spend it).
I think they're also the ones in charge of infomercials that make exercise look sooo fast and soo easy, not to mention diet pills, girdles-for-the-20th-century, etc.
We live in a very strange world.
And I love it.
I have in the recent past tried to overcome my psychological problems (don't ask) by talking to the craziest person I know. I was left with a total and complete numbness that my brain refuses to recover from.
To a: so...does this state of complete numbness seem better / worse / the same, compared to the problem state? I'm asking because I sometimes find myself in mental states where I feel like having my brain numbed would be an improvement.
And to 1GloriousConundrum: this post resonates for me. Totally. Thanks.
Radioactive: I totally hear you dude. And well, I would say it's an improvement on my previous state of mind. The only thing I worry about is the possibilty of the previous state resurfacing with a much greater force.
You know any crazy people? Give it a try :p
Glorious: Outcome of the meeting? I could use that knowledge to discover the key to independence AND true love. Or maybe just the former.
Omar - 2 for 1 on Thursdays at noon according to the billboard on Sunset. Looks really classy, too, BTW.
Sam - excellent grasp of irony. I had forgotten about credit gimmicks.
A - NPR had segment on 'cutters' who use this same principle - the crazier they behave, the saner they feel. Didn't work out too well for them. I wish you more success. In other words, numbness is just numb.
RadioactiveJam - Thanks. Good to see you around again. You and A are about to get linked. Be prepared for that crazy influx of attention. ;)
g.lo: have an excellent stalking story for you but we may have blown our cover. will report on it in the next couple of days...
I hope I have trained you well. I will definitely be checkingout the results. Ah, stalking is its own reward, is it not? Can't wait to come to NY and stalk my beloved John until he is screaming for mercy (Note to FBI agents assigned to read all blogs: I am not a celebrity stalker. Please stop ordering me to stay away from John Lythgow. You're protecting the wrong guy.)
But I am already linked. I noticed like a couple of days back and meant to thank you too :>
Post a Comment