So What If I Only Went to Prom By Tricking the Guy

Since all my readers have disappeared, it's time I bore Al Gore's internet with the 100 things list. I am only doing this because Andy said I should, so flame him if you waste the next 15 minutes of your day.

6/6 2:00 pm
1. My hair is brown, not red, but I will never admit it.
2. Blue is my favorite color, but I wear red because it looks good on me.
3. I have an awesome family. We could probably win awards, but we're not photogenic.
4. My mother is my hero. I wish I were her clone in more than just looks.
5. My attention span is exactly 25 seconds long. In fact, I'm already bored by this list.

6/6 2:15 pm
6. Cate is one of the funniest people I've ever met, but she doesn't believe it. Omar and Jon are definitely vying for 2nd place in that contest, though.
7. If I thought I stood a chance, I would totally fight Jasmine for Andy. I can't help that I crush on him. He's so funny and political, and funny political guys are my aphrodisiac.
8. The fact that I say things like that makes me unpopular with normal men.
9. Women, however, absolutely adore me for my quirky, honest approach to life.
10. If you put me in a room with 100 people, 50% of them would claim I was a new best friend; 50% would claim I was trying to flirt with them; and the rest would think I hated them. I don't know why, but those seem to be the only possible reactions to me.

6/6 2:40m
11. Storms in Africa was the first Enya song I heard.
12. Book of Days made me an Enya fan.
13. I hated the movie Far and Away.
14. I don't find Tom Cruise attractive but I pretend I do when girls are ogling him.
15. I do find Hugh Jackman drool-worthy, especially when he's singing. Yee-ow.

6/6 3:00pm
16. I am not joking about how often men flirt with me or how many free things I get because of it.
17. I could probably have more boyfriends except that I assume all guys who flirt with me are crazy.
18. I excelled at everything in high school except popularity and sports. I sucked at those enough to keep me humble despite all the excessive award-receiving from everything else.
19. I was so uncool in high school that I spent all my dances talking to teachers at the refreshment table.
20. As a result, I knew more about adulthood and its problems than any teenager should.
21. I told my best friend in high school that I would trade every drop of intelligence for beauty. I meant it then and I would still make the trade.
22. No matter how many friends, boyfriends, admirers, fan clubs, media moguls, etc. that I have, I will always see myself as the uncool, fat, smart girl with the big vocabulary in an Idaho classroom.

3:30 pm (Finally got the hang of this)
23. My mom says I have more friends than any 10 people. She's probably right.
24. I care about everyone I meet. Everyone. Even the ones that comment on my blog. I hope they're happy. I think about their concerns and want to help.
25. I have had 2 emotional breakdowns in my life - each because I was so busy obsessing about helping someone else that I forgot to take care of myself.
26. I love to laugh.
27. I cry with as much passion as I laugh.
28. My literary doppleganger is Marianne Dashwood. The most criticized line in that book, "And Marianne knew only one way to love - with her whole heart" is also the most honest.
29. The poor fools who have fallen in love with me claim to never have gotten over me completely.
30. I hate that fact and shun relationships because I fear that outcome.

3:31 pm (Now really swinging)
31. I'm not interesting enough to write this list.
32. By #60, expect it to be at least 50% interesting white lies.
33. By #67, I will resort to complete falsehoods
34. By #75, the list will resemble tidbits from People Magazine's 50 Most Beautiful People.
35: By #90, I will resort to surfing the internet for details.

3:35 pm
36. My favorite post ever was 'The Mostly Ignorant News'.
37. I thought my 'Bridget Jones Day' trite and cloying.
38. I hate everything I write.

3:36 pm
39. Once upon a time, I had a beautiful singing voice. I was booked at the Egyptian Theater in Ogden, Utah, and had a sponsor for the Utah Metropolitan Opera.
40. I no longer sing or practice because my voice brought about the greatest tragedy of my life.
41. I'm afraid that if I sing again, I will not be showing due respect to my part in that disaster.
42. I am fat for the same reason.

3:37 pm
43. I am terrified that someone will still be reading this post and will know what I wrote above.
44. I am realizing how many friends will ask me what I meant by what I wrote above.
45. I am formulating lots of pithy lies to put them off track of the truth.
46. I am now remembering that no one remembers the middle parts of these massive, ridiculous lists.

3:38 pm
47. I believe wholeheartedly that there is a God.
48. I believe that God would never allow us to legislate behavior because He taught us that we are not to judge.
49. I believe God and Jesus are liberal in politics but conservative in philosophy.
50. I believe that will really piss someone off.
51. I believe that living the commandments prepares us to live the laws of God's Kingdom in heaven. I believe that there will be a Judgment, a resurrection, and an eternal life.
52. I realize that most people think I lack intelligence for believing that I have had miracles happen to me.
53. I have had people refuse to associate with me because of my religion.
54. I know that when I pray, I am more likely to be happy, to know what makes me happy, and to have a successful life.
55. Having faith requires more focus than anything else in my life. I have to stay more open, learn more, think more, and interact more with the world.
56. I believe that's why so many people abandon faith. As soon as it gets hard, it's easier to choose agnosticism or atheism than to ferret out the hard details of an open-minded, open-hearted spiritual life.

4:10 pm
57. I once went to church with Larry King.
58. My mom ate lunch near Harrison Ford. She says he's not that good looking in person.
59. My sister claims the missionaries in her ward met Brad Pitt.
60. John Lythgow and I are acquaintances.
61. I saw 'Todd' from One Life to Live when I was in New York.
62. We had a lovely conversation about life in New York. He wasn't as funny as I expected.

4:13 pm
63. I exercise almost every day.
64. I eat only a little chocolate most days.
65. I would never eat ice cream for dinner.
66. I love all the vegetables ever grown in the whole wide world.

4:14 pm
67. I was a supermodel in college.
68. I am currently dating Hugh Jackman.
69. His wife is TOTALLY cool with that because we're so tight that we share everything.
70. I used to be friends with Condoleeza Rice but I couldn't support her fashion choices, so we lost touch.
71. Many fashion moguls call me to discover what the "new pink" is each year.
72. I feed the world's hungry out of a soup kitchen in my backyard.
73. I own a multi-million dollar home in Laguna Beach.
74. I am currently fund-raising to save endangered ducks.

4:32 pm
75. I grew up among the rolling potato fields of St. Anthony, Idaho.
76. Michele Oliver, of Focus Hair Designs, creates the fabulous red curls that have become my signature style. I drive 2 hours every month to let her mess with my hair.
77. "I need 10 hours sleep," Glo confessed to no one in particular.
78. I enjoy long walks by the beach as long as natural things don't touch me too much.
79. If I were to endorse a product, it would have to be Artec hair care products.
80. My infectious smile once caused a traffic accident (not a lie).
81. There's nothing I enjoy as much as lazing in my pajamas and reading a Harry Potter book.
82. "I couldn't possibly choose a favorite movie!" Glo exclaimed vehemently.
83. My brown eyes look their best in Clinique colors.
84. Not that I would say so, but my hair really is a work of art. If you live in San Diego, call Michele right now and make an appointment.
85. My hobbies are watching TV, talking on the phone, and traveling.
86. "The men in Philadelphia make it worth the trip," Glo murmured suggestively.
87. When I flirt, I twirl my fingers in my hair and bite my lip because I read about that move in People's 50 Most Beautiful People.
88. "I think we're all beautiful!" Glo lied convincingly when questioned about plastic surgery.
89. I think that Catherine Zeta-Jones truly is the most beautiful woman on the planet.

4:43 pm (having missed my train to complete this stupid list - totally over Andy now)
90. I am not a poisonous bird. The only poisonous birds in the world are the three species of Pitohui.
91. During the era of Louis XIV, women used lemons to redden their lips. I use lipstick.
92. Some people drink the urine of pregnant women to build up their immune system. I do it for fun.
93. When telephone companies first began hiring telephone operators, they chose teenage boys for the job. They switched to women because the teenage boys were wrestling instead of working and pulling pranks on callers.
94. During the 60's, the women's liberation movement denounced bras as a symbol of servitude and encouraged bra burning rallies. I would never burn my bra because then I would have backaches and my breasts would look less spectacular in low-cut t-shirts.
95. In November 1999, two women were killed by a lightning bolt. The underwire located in their bras acted as a electrical conductors, and when the lightning bolt hit the bra they left burn marks on their chest. Never mind. I might burn my bra after all.
96. American women, on average, spend 55 minutes per day getting showered, dressed, and groomed. Damn. Once again, I am below average in the female looks department.
97. Most American women have their first baby when they are 24.3 years old. Above average on this one, though...
98. The Ancient Greek women made a type of cheek blush by painting their cheeks with herbal pastes which was made out of crushed berries and seeds. Makes a yummy snack, too.
99. Women who are romance novel readers are reported to make love 74% more often with their partners than women who do not read romance novels. Bet you wish you were my boyfriend now, huh...

AND

The 100th most interesting thing about me: I take nothing seriously...

Done! Finito! El Fin!

See you next time when I talk about nothing.