I am...

living the literary dream as two roads diverge in a distant wood.*

______________________________________

I need to devote a whole post to spiritual enlightenments and scriptures come to life (How I met Simon the Magician is a particularly interesting story)...but this ain't it. Instead, just a hint of philosophy. Today, I realized why people no longer choose to see God's hand in their lives.

I was reviewing an old notebook from early in my work career at CHLA. The review brought back memories of various sacrifices I have made for the good of the company. I gave up most of the reasons I initially chose my workplace - the alternate work week, month-long vacation options, a fixed-time workday - because the children and the cause deserved my sacrifice. But something interesting has happened. Over time, my presence has become undervalued. I have given and given until I've given my all but there's a problem. It isn't enough because it isn't more. I have lost value because I have maxed out my give. As there is no more mountain to climb, the past has been forgotten and I have merely become a disappointment, a relic, a person not good enough to meet the clamor for more, more, more. And this...this is exactly what has happened to God. We have so much more than any other generation. We are protected and even coddled. So God has lost his value. He has not given us Nirvana. We don't really want our own choices and the world of our making. No. For him to have value, He must continually give more. He is not enough because He doesn't give more.

It was an important insight for so many reasons. I have seen God perform such glorious miracles for me and for those around me. I've been very angry as I saw people announce that God was dead for them, especially when He had just performed some marvelous act of love. In the meantime, I'm moving contentedly down my path. Sometimes, all the things that aren't of God seem so distant and unbelievable that I feel like I'm hearing someone tell a bit of fantasy with a lousy plot. I'm just so happy with where I am and what's happening. I have so little need for all the dolled-up things that I used to think were part of a happy life. I just want to hang out with the hodge podge of people with light in their eyes and dance around with happiness at all the miracles. For me, it's enough. That's all I know. It's enough. I don't need more.

So, as I see my road diverge, I'm not the least sad. I'm eager to see what lies in the sunny glade just beyond this murky wood.

*And realizing that much of what I once labeled "true love" was really just a vain attempt to prove my value to others through the dates I had, the money spent, and the jealousy I could evoke. How awful and empty.