Nervous Breakdown

In my office. Today. After a doctor pulled aside one of my coworkers to detail all the projects she wishes I were doing - and it happens to be all the projects I have worked tirelessly to produce over the past 2 years. I've even held weekly meetings. After which I have sent weekly email updates. I've taught inservices on the projects, including a major presentation at last year's Foundation meeting. I've written letters. I've made phone calls. I've met personally with each doctor. I've spent 60 hours per week during 104 weeks. I've had no life - just work, work, work, work. I've lived through a major personal crisis, had a helluva rough year, and still worked on endlessly. I. Was. Productive.

Dammit.

2 years of my life. 4 projects. 3 clinic-wide meetings. Endless hours.

And no one seemed to notice.

So, I cried. I sobbed. In public. I couldn't seem to stop once it started. I endured a pat on the back and a "don't take it so personally" but I still couldn't stop crying.

I left early. Came home. Sat in a dark room with General Hospital playing. And then they called. A problem, of course. I should solve it. After hours. On my own time. Even though I'm the lowest paid member of the staff with no support. I should solve it.

And I did. Because even with a nervous breakdown underway, I won't let a child suffer for politics. That's the person I am.

And then I cried. Again.