*sigh*
It's important for the reader to know 2 things about me:
1) Outside of movies, I very rarely cry. The world has to truly feel like it's crumbling around me for me to "cry" - and by that I mean that I breathe a little fast and my eyes sting. Actual tears have not fallen (outside of a movie theater) in over 10 years.
2) I can get almost anyone to spill their darkest secret if I have enough time with them. And I can make them feel safe doing so - because I'm not a gossip and I truly care. But nobody in the world has been able to crack this nut - my secrets are buried deep and I rarely, if ever, discuss anything of true, emotional relevance to my existence.
Anyway, drama seems to find me. Sometimes, I create it. Usually, I'm involved in it. And always it results in disaster. I want to be drama-free, but I can't seem to avoid the pastime.
*sigh*
On with the story....
I am IMing yesterday with Roomie's undefined friend of guyish nature....did you get that?! Turns out - he and I share #2 as an attribute and he's on a fact-finding mission. And there I am, spilling secrets like it's nothing. Then he asks me the one question that I couldn't answer. The one question that would upset everyone in my righted little world. It's nothing classically dramatic - I wasn't raped or imprisoned and my great-aunt hasn't suddenly begun to appear in my bedroom window warning me that grapes will soon mount an offensive against Washington - but it's still my secret.
And there it was in black and white.
I was crying. Big, huge, slobbery tears (no sobbing - that would be too far) fell onto my hands. I tried to keep conversing, but I couldn't be rational. That never happens to me. I am always the rational one when the world falls apart.
Because I have a caring, wonderful Roomie, she wanted to know what had caused the upset. And I couldn't stop myself from saying it....because I guess it all needed to be said. So, I said it - to the one person who needed never to hear it.
And my righted world fell apart.
*sigh*
Apparently, I have a flair for drama.
13 comments:
So, do you need to share that secret with the world? People have a tendency to tell me all sorts of things, because I genuinely care and tend to instantly remove it from my short-term memory, so that I will only recall it when asked, so I don't tend to share the info.
Seriously, I hope you're okay and everything rights itself as soon as possible.
I'll echo what Lia said. Well, except for the part about people telling me all sorts of things, cause that pretty much never happens. But caring - yes, hoping - yes, soon - yes.
I think you're exaggerating this whole not-crying thing. Don't you remember that one time when...Oh, wait - that was at a movie. Never mind.
Yes - giant apes don't count. Only a real sick person won't cry when a giant ape dies. That's just fact.
Yes - giant apes don't count. Only a real sick person won't cry when a giant ape dies. That's just fact.
everybody has their drama, girl... nobody lives with nothing at all... it's ok.
i just hope you feel better soon
So you wrote all this without actually telling us what it was? Would it be insensitive for me to say I feel cheated?
Probably.
I hope all is well.
I hate that I've missed a handful of posts and come back to catch up on a REALLY important one. I almost feel like I don't deserve to comment.
I'm not going to ask you to tell us what the secret is, (I'm dying with curiousity, but that's ok) and I just hope everything is better and slightly tear free now. crying is good (outside of movies. I know, how unbelievable). sometimes when I'm feeling pressured or frustrated or just all around not-in-a-good-place, I make up something in my head and I cry like crazy and I wonder, am I just overly sensistive? or are there issues I'm not adressing that are coming through only when I pretend like, my dad died or something?
there.
that's a little Syar secret for you.
i was going to suggest you send it to postsecret and then feel better. but really, it's about getting it off of your chest.
I agree with Cadiz. But we all have our little things. Maybe make a super secret blog, and then delete it when you spill all?
Anyways, I feel like a echo, but: I really hope things get better, and things between you and roomie are okay.
Crying isn't so bad. And it sure is easier to spill when IM'ing. I dunno why, but it is. Maybe because no one sees and no one hears. Hope you feel better and all's ok w/Roomie, too.
So sorry Glo. Secrets have a nasty way of coming out at the wrong time... I hope when the dust clears things will be okay.
Aw...sending hugs and hankies.
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