Naked in LAX

Once upon a time there was a girl who never knew she always wanted to be Paris Hilton. She was mostly a good girl who did good things, except when she was a bad girl who did bad things....but even those weren't very bad.

One day, she decided to go to LAX. In that big, frightening place she would take a big aeroplane to see her mommy and daddy. However, the I-405 was packed and she was running very, very late. She remembered her friend Arizona Sarah's advice, "In the event of emergency, your breasts can be used as a salvation device." So she pulled the mini-cami she was wearing down a bit to reveal that lovely cleavage. She noted that she was a little underdressed. The cami, while beautiful, was very tiny and did not cover her at all but for the sweater she wore over it.

She jumped off the bus and immediately ran to the nearest skyhop. Leaning forward slightly, she begged, "Please! Oh please! I have 15 minutes to make my flight. Help me get through security." The nice man never looked at her face (which is fortunate as it is not her best feature), but picked up his communicator and ordered an escort to her plane.

Two burly TSA agents appeared to rush our heroine off to her plane. She flew through check-in. She ran the stairs, flanked by her honor guard, who stumbled a bit as they refused to take their eyes off her cleavage.

At 12 minutes before the flight, the young woman stood in the priority line for security. The two men were jovial and told her breasts some very amusing anecdotes about life in an airport. In the midst of a punchline, the little princess found herself next in cue for the metal detector.

She turned to face the evil witch who said, "I'll need your shoes and your sweater."

"Huh?" she asked. "What could I possibly be hiding under this flimsy sweater?"

"I'll need your shoes and your sweater."

"I can't take this sweater off. I'm not dressed underneath. Everyone will see everything!"

"I'll need your shoes and your sweater."

"No. I'm naked underneath this. Don't you understand that?"

"We can always do a full body search, ma'am. Otherwise I'll need your shoes and your sweater."

"But I'll be naked. Naked in the middle of LAX."

"That's not my problem, ma'am. I'll need your shoes and your sweater."

The girl looked at the clock. She had 10 minutes to board her flight. So, she did the only thing she could. She whipped her shirt off to the pleasure of the entire TSA authority at LAX.

With her arms, she tried to cover herself. The bitch, errr, witch took pains to examine the sweater and each piece of carry-on luggage. The security men laughed and muttered to each other. The princess grew very cold....not a good thing when one is now wearing only a very, very thin cami.

Finally, the witch cackled. The girl was free to pass through the metal detector. The witch smirked at the girl as she passed.

In a rare moment of rebellion, the girl grabbed her sweater, stopped trying to guard her torso, and used it as a flag to wave at her honor guard. Then she politely thanked the witch before rushing off towards her gate.

Then she called Paris Hilton. There are some security tapes that will make quite a good bonus gift to her infamous "accidental" films. Apparently, there's not much to this Hilton gig.

Note: Some elements deleted due to religious significance. Aargh. First time ever that security interfered with my constitutional rights. Not a good moment. But it did teach me to dress more appropriately in airports.