The spell? Well, it requires about 800 pay-checks to complete. So, dragon and I had to do us some back-exhausting, tendonitis-inducing work. On the plus side, just completed most ridiculous experience of my life:
Interpreted a lecture on mammalian breastfeeding given by a dragon
Yep, that's what this hip scribe did yesterday at the Greater LA Breastfeeding Task Force general meeting. The term "nipple play" must be forever stricken from my vocabulary if I am to have a normal sex life not involving images of underfed preterm infants. Dragon did good, though, she didn't melt a single breastfeeding advocate. Good day.
But then we had to work. First, we dug through piles of Smashed Wooden Splinters, waded past Hordes of Misinformed Opinions, and then wrestled with Ignorance. Then we repeated all of that on Saturday. Pay-checks don't capture easy.
Tonight, we enjoyed some good R&R. Dragon and I finally found something in common (apart from a fascination with breasts - although I find her love of the organic utility a little off-putting)! We are both Potter-heads. We whipped out the books we are re-reading in preparation for July 16th. I suggested a duel since we are both magically inclined, but Dragon knew something even better: 103 Ways to Annoy, Harrass, or Generally Scare Lord Voldemort.
We acted them out for several hours. Among our favorites (sorry to borrow from MuggleNet):
If you ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to add 'Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.' Stare pointedly at him.
Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like 'You're the boss, boss' or 'It's your funeral.'
Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices.
Call him "Champ" or "Tiger." Refer to yourself as "Coach."
Start drawing outlandish parallels between his life story and 'Star Wars'. Talk at great length.
One last thing: Based on MuggleNet, we've settled on "Who Loves Ya, Volders?" as our battle cry. For posterity, thats "Grr, rooooo-ah-rrrr, shzzzz" in dragon. Make sure you get that right in the sonnets. Nothing pisses me off like inaccurate monster translations in hero song.
Countdown to Humanity: 7 days
9 comments:
Blogger made all those spacing errors. Tried twice to fix it, then gave up. Sorry guys. I suppose I could do the html thing, but let's face it - I'm a scribe, not a geek (ha, ha...)
Hey crazy spacing makes it more, personal, more creative...more for us to mentally mark against ya!
Not.
I didn't even notice...I was too busy chuckling over the way your mind works.
And I didn't notice any spacing problems, mainly because I'm fascinated with your fascination with breasts.
Yeah, what’s up with your breast fascination? I’m really more of a leg man myself.
July 16th cannot come soon enough. One of my many pregnant friend’s baby is due on July 17th, and when I heard that, I immediately exclaimed, “Hey, that’s the day after the new Potter book comes out!” No one knew what I was talking about and I realized at that moment that I was very alone in the world.
Oh yeah, “candy from a baby…” That cracks me up…
LMAO. Literally. And the man sitting at the computer next to me thinks I am insane. Thanks ever so much.
PotterHeads of the World Unite!
PotterHeads sounds very much like potheads.
Per dragon -
My officemates officially gave up on me the day I discovered this list. I check it regularly and howl with laughter at every entry. Even JK Rowling mentioned it on her site - it's hilarious!
Breast fascination? How can anyone NOT have a breast fascination? As a lactation educator who happens to own a rather nice set herself (or did, before the transformation), I can tell you that they are rather fascinating. As for legs - very rare to find a nice set, whereas breasts are pretty nice in lots of different forms.
July 16th cannot come soon enough. I have a funny HP post percolating in my head where I work out my HP frustrations.
What else do I have to do while stuck in a dragon's body fighting the Pac-King but think about future blogs...?
"Breast fascination? How can anyone NOT have a breast fascination?"
I wonder the same thing!!
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