Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Just Another Day In Paradise...(Revised)

Disclaimer: This post is a joke. If you are angry after reading it, please submit an e-mail for registration with "The People This Post Really Annoys". It's a growing organization. They have a support group that meets on Wednesdays in Rancho. I hear it's nice, but they don't let me visit for obvious reasons.

The ethics committee has reviewed this column and found it in violation of IRB standards. Per Article 13.6 of the 3rd section of the document "Proper use of human subjects": The blogger shall beg shamelessly for pity only on the 2nd Tuesday of the 4th month. Any more often shall place the blog in violation.

Please be advised that any further violation could result in a change of funding. If anyone read the entry before review by the ethics committee, they are advised to go to bed immediately without any supper.

Sincerely,
One Glorious Conundrum, Chair
Institute for Responsible Blogging
P.S. Why don't you blog more about pizza toppings? No one gets offended by pizza toppings and they are generally considered excellent topics of conversation.


On the news last night, there was a report of buffalo stampeding a soccer field AND a bear mauling some hiker. Who said The Mostly Ignorant News isn't at the forefront of journalism?!

The afore-mentioned disclaimer limits our liability. We are also not responsible for any gastrointestinal upset or weight gain related to the Oatmeal Scotchies sent to you via computer yesterday. Please phone in all complaints to (555) She - BUGS. A representative will contact you shortly with a refreshment assignment for the support group. Please be informed that we don't like toffee. It sticks to our teeth. If that offends, please e-mail your complaint to killthetoffeehaters@aol.com. We continue to apologize for any glitches in hyperlinks that may occur and will laugh really hard if that e-mail address is real. Please let us know.

11 comments:

omar said...

Look at you, you're a link-making fool now!! Links all over the place!

I see no problem with turning everything into a joke. Everything is better funny.

glo said...

At the very least, everything is funnier when it's funny.

jazz said...

i totally sent an e-mail to that address, thinking it would be bounced back but nothing yet...it was half an hour ago...

glo said...

You didn't mention my name, did you? With my recent luck, it's some secret society for the advancement of vagrants (not likely the vegans because they might really like the toffee haters...)

lovelygreensweater said...

Wait... Kill the Toffe Haters isn't a real group...where have I been going then?

omar said...

Vegans could get upset about pizza toppings, though you've already ticked them off anyway.

Charles said...

Is the plural of conundrum, condnundri? :) And what's wrong with advancing vagrants?

jazz said...

okay, its 2am. i got in, turned my computer back on...my e-mail to the toffee haters got bounced back finally.

damn. wanted it to be a real email address so badly.

girlspit said...

So I googled "kill the toffee haters" since Jasmine said her e-mail to the above-mentioned address was not returned.

And I found this very interesting site, which would no doubt offend any militant vegans, or chicken-lovers, for that matter:

http://www.juracid.demon.co.uk/mnuts/acp/support.html

Too bad these guys abandoned the web site.

Sarah Cate said...

But I will blame you for the fact that I suddenly found it essential to my continued existence last night to make chocolate chip cookies with toffee bits. My thighs thank you.

glo said...

so sad the e-mail came back...sigh...