My day thus far:
5:01 am Alarm Rings. Internal fight ensues over ACTUAL time needed to arise in order to make 6:25 am train. Fall asleep as rationale reminds me that I need a minimum of 1 hour.
5:45 am Fall out of bed too late to make 6:25 am train. Pull on clothes left out to dry last night. Remember have decided not to wear tight white top to work anymore. Curse at self for feeling so wicked as to ENJOY wearing tight top to work.
6:04 am No time to do hair. Crimp and pull back with barrettes. Look about 12 years old.
6:10 am Eat last of Cocoa Pebbles. Sad day. Must watch Latin music videos to take mind off pain of loss.
6:20 am Realize am now running late for 6:45 train. Curse Galavision for inducing lack of self control.
6:43 am Miss train. What kind of crazy conductor leaves early? Realize would have been very bad trip with sadistic conductor at helm.
6:50 am Look for post office.
7:02 am Having had no luck finding post office, return to train station.
7:15 am Catch 7:05 am train. Crazy train conductors.
7:20 am Scripture study. Actually read 10 verses before reminded of church yesterday which reminds me, somehow, of current life, which reminds me of forgotten yoga mat, which reminds me that needed to go early to work, which leads to self curse over forgetfulness.
7:25 am Give up on scripture study.
7:27 am Listen to NPR. Interesting story on rap poetry reminds me of this blog. Begin thinking about funny posts for blog. Very funny, must laugh at self. Lucky for me, MP3 player implies am laughing at audio, not at own jokes.
8:13 am Fall asleep on train.
8:25 am Arrive Union station. Trip over 2 roller bags, collide with security guard, and get asked the question of the day: "Do you have a spare hat?" Uh, no, but thanks for asking.
8:35 am Board subway. Subway smells. Play Name That Smell. Become nauseated at correct answer.
8:47 am Crazy guy enters with guitar. Plays 2 Simon & Garfunkel songs. Consider donating to cause as really enjoyed music, but then remember behavioral psychology. Cannot begin to reinforce train-begging - would set bad precedent. Smile kindly at crazy guy who reveals true talent by whistling without front teeth. Feel happy about wardrobe choice even without white top.
8:50 am Arrive at work. Engage in "How was your weekend?" Can't remember any of the answers. Sulk because no one asked about my weekend. Rude coworkers. At least I pretend to care.
9:07 am Prove did not pay attention when one coworker asks my opinion on other coworker's love interest. Did not hear report of love interest.
9:25 am Appear to be working hard by answering telephone, preparing patient list, calling residents, and complaining about work load. In reality, am daydreaming about Rumba Room (see post) this weekend. Click over to view website for Rumba Room to see what band will be playing this weekend.
10:30 am Attend boring meeting to review all patients on my floors. Boredom induces self-pity. Begin romantic fantasy wherein all attractive men suddenly dump their beautiful, thin girlfriends (married men are by title unattractive) and bring me armfuls of roses. Imagine self choosing amongst them. Am very picky and eventually choose one who coaches nephew's soccer team and is good home teacher. Realize am asking for too much in even a fantastical man. Begin lament about loss of recent crush, which returns mind to plan for much flirtation at the Rumba Room.
11: 25 am Stopped by doctor to ask question. Should have known answer if had spent more time listening in meeting. Doctor answers own question, so ignorance remains unnoticed.
11:30 am Endure boring lunch. Hardly anything to laugh about. Dull, dull, dull. Lament loss of recent crush.
Noon Write blog instead of working. Bad me. Curse self for being so easily distracted.
12:15 pm Become distracted and forget to publish blog.
3:20 pm Finally remember about blog. Apologize to fantasy friends who read blog.
15 comments:
Better than Bridget Jones's Diary.
Am literally ROTFLMAO. If only removal of said ass were actually possible by said means.
my Mom dated Spike
HYSTERICAL! Don't you just HATE those mornings? I have them regularly without the added entertainment of public transportation.
Public transportation makes everything better. Send an addition $20 with your taxes to make it possible in your area.
And, seriously, laughter should immediately make you thinner. Should just be one of those rules in life.
Can you IMAGINE if we were able to substitute laughter for exercise? I think that the world would be SUCH a happier place.
It would be happy - until fat people came into fashion. Then we'd have all these morose, depressed people in the magazines and people like me - thin and unsuccessful.
It's a cruel world. We'll just have to accept it.
Who was that evil wicked celebrity who claimed that she owed her perfect flat stomach to laughter? Think was Julia Roberts. (Damn, now you've got me writing in Bridget shorthand.) It's a great theory, but do we believe her? Hell no.
Am now eagerly anticipating deluge of (more) witty posts, as foreshadowed by public transport mention. Oh go on, don't tease.
Will soon service. I find it funny that for all my BJD dislike, I write like her more often than not. Perhaps we are that immortal "too alike".
Have several funny stories waiting to be posted. Will write one up tonight and have posted by tomorrow!
Thanks for making me laugh...I needed to exercise today! Hee.
phew..thats one heck of a busy day..and you accounted for nearly every second.
you must have not been as busy as you appear..either that or you have a terrific memory. whats the name of that memory mastery number again? :)
Since 99.9999% of my life happens in the confines of my nimble yet nefarious mind, it is easy to keep track of the details.
And Sam, remember you can drink 1 soda for each 10 minutes of laughter. That's a fact I made up right here, right now, just for you.
married men are by title unattractive
Ouch!
So sorry, Omar. I am sure they are quite attractive to their wives, but not to me. Kinda big on the commitment thing. :)
Fair enough. In the context of your mid-morning fantasy, it probably is better to have the attractive men be unattached. But on behalf of married men, I just wanted to state that we have feelings.
Bah, who am I kidding? We're cold as ice. Dry ice, even. Cold as dry ice, I am. QUIT CRYING AND GET ME ANOTHER BEER!
welcome to the club, i guess... i'm way too easy to get distracted myself :)
See, Omar, I secretly knew this about married men, so I smartly eliminated them from fantasy life. However, as recent events have proven, I am an insensitive bitch to both vegans and married people. Sorry, there. Will repent and try to be better.
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