10 Great Things About LA Public Transportion

I said today that there is nothing good about the Metro in LA. That's not true. I was just tired, headachy, and had been followed for 5 stops by a scary guy who stared down my shirt and rubbed up against me while I tried to pretend I didn't notice him. Frodderism just isn't my thing, so I felt a little upset by the experience.

Then I started to think about all the fun games I play while I am on the subway every morning. Would my day really be complete without a daily round of Name That Smell or Identify the Gang? And could I sleep at night without the who-dunnit event of It Was Wet, Sticky, and Not Yours: Should You Go to the ER?

With such happy thoughts, I submit 10 things I love about the Metro.

1. Ability to form personal relationships with members of the LA SWAT team.

2. Freedom from mirrors. I dress and rely on the passersby to provide feedback.

3. Renewed appreciation for personal hygiene AND perfume (which I previously disliked).

4. Something to blame for any fowl odor coming from my general direction.

5. Daily workout as I dodge roller bags, leering derelicts, and the crazy lady who once whacked me with her cane (No joke. What was with her?).

6. Occasional free-to-me striptease (thanks, random naked man!).

7. Improved ability to tell male from female - I've had some stumpers, but I usually get it right.

8. Practicum in LA dialect of Ebonics.

9. Personal knowledge of how to respond to common LA emergencies such as gang warfare, bomb threats, biological terrorism, and floods.

And, finally....

10. Getting to answer the question, "Do you believe in Jesus Christ?" at least twice per day.

Really, people. You should all be using public transportation. It's so fabulous. We should pay double the taxes to extend the joy. Write your congressman now (and don't forget to remind them to ban all photos of me).