Oh What a Circus! Oh What a Show!

On the way home, I called a school friend about an assignment.

"Girl, you should so not be calling me. Have you talked to our sista?"

Now, I'm not an "in the hood" kind of person, so I responded with a giggle that I had not spoken to any of my sisters today.

"Girl, you gotta talk to our sista."

I hung up the phone and called my "sista".

"Hey, what's up? K-doll told me to call you."

White Girl Sista chuckled before she responded, "Well, I got a phone call today with a job offer in Argentina and I want you guys to go with me."

WGSista works for google and has been offered a job in Argentina. She'd have a house and a relocation allowance - all of which could be used to get K-doll and I up and running in international jobs. I was floored by the offer. I'd spent most of the afternoon crying in my office over serious doubts regarding my men. It's time for me to make some choices and it's obvious which one likes me best but I am plagued with concerns. I spent yesterday IMing a complete stranger about my whole life and he was kind enough to listen and give the advice that I want to follow: Never settle. Live big and chase your dreams.

But I know how old I am. I know that if I want a baby, I have to be pregnant yesterday. There comes a time when a woman has to lay aside her own childhood in order to provide a childhood for the next generation. That time for me is now.

It disrespects the good guy who wants to come out on top of this messy love pentagon. He's one of the kindest people I've known and I believe that God approves of him - at least, that's the feeling I get when I pray to know my next step. I have concerns - sure- I passed the train ride writing out 30 different questions and/or conditions I would have to satisfy before I would consent to something beyond casual dating. But those concerns shouldn't reflect on him because there's nothing wrong with him except that he's trying to be romantic with a woman who can't accept the reality imposed on her by elephant thighs and a high IQ. And it's not fair to him for me to feel that he's the "best I can get" because he deserves me to be as far in as he is. He's been gentle, good, decent, and understanding. He listens to me. He enjoys seeing me happy. I can't imagine for asking more personally....but there are concerns. I don't mean to ask for perfection but I am a person with a large ego and I wonder if I really am self-sacrificing enough to....of course I am. Of course! Because it means family and children and stability - things I know I cannot pass by if I want to be truly content with my life.

But then there's Argentina....the mere idea sparks that life I feel when adventure is on the horizon. But it also brings a certain darkness - an awareness of what I could be choosing and myriad questions about how I will feel when the price of that choice falls due.

I didn't discuss this with WGSista. I know her opinion because she volunteered it.

"Come on. You know that you'll get hotter Latin men than you can get Americans. They like a girl with ass."

Oh, I love these girls. Even though they spend endless hours not getting my religion while going on and on about how much they wish they possessed my spiritual gifts, I love them....and I'm tempted to run away with them.