9 hours in a hospital in labor and not one centimeter of change in my cervix. I'm dilated exactly the same as I was at the doctor's office when they announced "any day now" and I rushed my parents down here and started walking and working and got everything ready so that I could have my baby.
But I'm home now. No baby.
Am I broken? How is this possible? Does my body simply not work? Is it possible I'll never have this baby? Could I have come so close to my dream only to have something snatch it away at the last moment? I'll admit that's my fear.
The monitor showed that I was "having hard contractions" but then the doctor declared that since I was "tolerating it so well" it must be false labor. Well - okay - but does that really make sense? If you're not mooing like a cow or screaming for an epidural, does that necessarily mean that your contractions are false? I feel like the medical model has made such wimps of women - but here I am, with egg on my face and no baby.
I guess it doesn't matter. As soon as they announced that I'd either need an induction or a C-section or I could go home, labor stalled out completely. I guess I was just playing make believe.
I'm so depressed.