A Monthly Newsletter!

I noticed as I logged in that I've been faithfully posting about once a month, so we're just going to call this blog a monthly newsletter. One day, my husband and I will upload pictures and we'll make this a complete, multi-color phenomenon. For today, it's just an update on all things McCulloch family.

The Pregnancy
Still progressing. Right now, the little pest is performing leg windmills on top of my stomach. While this is contributing to a small return of nausea and early satiety, I'm grateful for the signs of life. He's doing great and growing right on schedule. He's survived SIX plane trips (the most recent to Minneapolis) without even a set of hiccoughs. The most recent ultrasound revealed a fully functioning little boy with good movement in the head-first position. I'm hoping he stays so compliant clear through labor.

Speaking of labor, we are very busy frightening ourselves through labor education. There are definitely days where I wish for less scientific information on the matter. It may have been better to one minute be picking peas in a field, the next be in labor, and the following be either dead or back to work. As is, I feel inundated by the good, bad and ugly of what awaits us in 2 months. I spend a fair share of time figuratively writing 'Don't Panic' in nice, friendly letters over my head.

The baby
The baby also has a name: Ryker David McCulloch. I never saw myself as the "weird" name type but the name has a really good story and purpose. My husband's family is rather recently immigrated from Scotland. In the Scottish naming tradition, our little bundle should be named after his paternal grandfather: Richard. Hmm...not my favorite name. So, we searched the world over for a way to pay homage to Scottish traditions without following the exact name line. After months of frustrated searching, I stumbled upon Ryker: the Nordish derivation of the English name, Richard. It seemed perfect. When we told Dave's dad, he got tears in his eyes over the idea that we're respecting tradition. I've been surprised by how many people like the name. I was concerned that everyone would wrinkle their noses at our unusual (and somewhat Star Trekian) choice.

The Work
I have a good job but I'm looking forward to maternity leave. For the first time since I left college, I don't have to go to work for 3 whole months. I know those months will be filled with exhaustion and baby-anxiety, but it still feels nice to think about 3 whole months without the morning rush and stress of my job. Of course, that also means I have to trust the state to provide my paycheck. Everyone in Cali just started laughing hysterically at that statement. Since the state can't be trusted to pay its own bills, let alone mine, Dave & I have been crazily stockpiling money to pay our rent. God has been kind and we've had several large windfalls of late. We just pray the cars stay functional and the medical bills remain manageable so that the money can go where it's been allotted!

Dave has taken a job as an on-the-road truck driver. This has been such a grueling decision for us. We're not looking forward to his lengthy absences but after 14 months of job searching, we had to have a solution. This is the only industry we've found that is open enough for him to get an easy in without unpaid internships, ridiculous experience requirements, and rotten pay. So, he's in training right now. He'll leave on his first big "outing" in January. I'm already mourning the loss of the guy on whom I rely for everything. It'll be good for me to remember to be independent and a challenge not to become so independent while he's gone that he feels unnecessary. We know that God will bless us and that's about as far as we can go in the processing of this huge change in our plans.

The pregnancy is an emotional bag and/or housecleaning section
I know that 'nesting' is common in pregnancy - that need to put aside all the old and have everything in order for the birth of the baby. We've cleaned and re-cleaned the house literally several times. However, I think I'm also going through a period of culling the outside forces that may distract me from momhood. I've always been a keeper of people - once collected, I rarely let go of a friendship - but lately, I've been letting myself be offended, truly a first for me. Dave pointed out a while ago that I'm a little too responsible in conflict. I accept guilt and work for solutions, often in a one-sided venture to maintain a friendship. I'm usually successful but lately that whole process has felt overwhelming and exhausting. For the past month, I've been in this very self-contained place with just the baby and I - oh, and we let daddy intrude every so often of course. I'm coming out of that since I know that the baby and I will need support after we're 2 separate bodies and especially once Dave starts trucking. However, the month of living internally was an interesting experiment. When I stopped taking all the responsibility for maintaining my friendships, I was quite surprised at the results. For some friends, this was a really healthy shift and we were able to come back to a more balanced place. For some friends, the change was completely taken in stride as though it had never happened and we've resumed communication exactly where we were. For other friends, I saw what Dave had mentioned - all the energy for that friendship had lived with me. When I stopped maintaining it, the other person shrugged it off, even in instances where I thought we were inseparably connected. Whether I had stopped communicating because I'd been offended or just because the burden of communication had felt ornerous at that time, the lack of reinvestment on the other person's behalf was illuminating. A part of me was a little hurt, I'll admit, but most of me recognized that I'm an overinvestor. Thankfully, this little man inside me is wiser than his mama and he's led me on quite a journey...albeit one that wants to put His Highness Ryker at the center of my entire existence.

The Church
Probably the thing I feel most grateful for at this point in time is the awareness that Heavenly Father has had of Dave and I. I became aware a few months ago that pretending or politically correcting everything I say on this subject was akin to negating the powerful efforts God has maintained to sustain our little family. From bringing Dave and I together to the extremely healthy gestation of this little one to our financial stability, there is no explanation but the miraculous. We are highly blessed and very aware that God is in every detail of our lives and that without him, nothing that is would have been. We are working to be more profitable servants, though, at times, our love for Jay Leno may disrupt our nightly scripture study and my desire to live internally may frustrate our service efforts! However, we are very aware that we owe him greatly and should at least publish His good works on our behalf.

The funny closing story
Sorta in that vein...the primary program was last Sunday in church. I love watching the children present everything they've learned over the past year. As I am the music leader (primary chorister), I was a little stressed. I am also the primary disciplinarian and so I had double duty over the little monsters...errr....sweet spirits sent from above. The kids did amazingly well, though, and I only had to pull out "the look" for one wayward soul who had found a piece of paper that served as an eyeglass during the Bishop's remarks.

The best moment of the whole program, however, was due to one of our sweet little Sunbeams (class of kids age 3-4). He was being assisted by his teacher in order to "read" his part in the program. The teacher is a sweet, dedicated woman with an unfortunately thick Mexican accent. As she whispered in our little guy's ear, he got a little lost. She whispered, "I am a spirit child of my Heavenly Father. In Psalms..." The little guy did his best as he repeated to the audience: "I am a spirit child of my Heavenly Father. It sucks." The entire crowd burst into laughter. The poor embarrassed teacher corrected him and moved on, but there was some mad giggling by the adults through most of the next song.

Well, that's the basic update. We also went to Disneyland and I travelled to Minneapolis...but there's just not time or room for every story! Happy month! By this time next month, I'll be at 36 weeks gestation!