I didn't know you could worry so much about something as small as a lemon...

I've been really sick with this pregnancy. I take Zofran - I won't make the Internet endure the hefty amount of guilt that I feel for taking any drug while pregnant - because otherwise, I couldn't eat or drink anything without a quick trip to the bathroom to dispose of the offending article of food or beverage. I wanted to wean off Zofran in my 2nd trimester (which started on Saturday) but so far all of my attempts have resulted in the same old, same old.

So, today I decided to reassure myself that ongoing vomiting in the 2nd trimester is normal. HAHA! What was I thinking?! The Internet exists to make certain that every pregnant woman KNOWS that her pregnancy is abnormal, her baby likely completely flawed, and she'll probably die in childbirth. Seriously, the number of horror stories and negative outcomes listed across the Internet would leave you convinced that no woman in history has ever produced a healthy, living, non-birth defected human child.

Today, I discovered that my baby is either 1) super healthy or 2) crippled with Down's Syndrome since I am still vomiting into my 2nd trimester. Great. Of course, then I get to read how Down's is the greatest blessing OR the worst nightmare of any mother who gets such a child. Well, lemme tell ya, I'm not the right mom for a disabled child. So, now I get to make myself sick with worry until 16 weeks when we get the AFP. Since I have had unusual lab results every draw, I imagine that will also come out unusual and this endless worry will continue until the amnio, which the Internet tells me will likely confirm every last worry because every baby since the dawn of time has had some dreaded form of malformation.

In the past 24 hours, I have worried about crazy murderers in LA who are killing pregnant women, the likelihood that if I don't get cable I will miss a terrorist attack warning and my baby will die, whether the hallway between our bedroom and the nursery is too long so that I can't get to the baby in case of disaster, and whether or not my abdominal itch means that I have gone into liver failure. You may think I'm kidding, but a good computer tech would notice that I have attempted to google information on each of those subjects - as though someone had already manifested the answer to my insanity. Sometimes, I long for simpler days when no one knew what was going to happen to them. The women got pregnant, the babies came out and lived or died, and life went on or it didn't. Of course, in 3/5 cases, life didn't go on for the women, so maybe I'll take the worry after all....maybe.