The Girl Sads

Well, based on advice from a guy friend, I spent my Saturday on the beach with the guy in the frontrunner position - the one sending roses and being ever so sweet - in order to get him to talk about his past. No big scaries....

EXCEPT

Until the day he emailed me out of the blue, he was dating a girl for more than a year but thought that the sacrifices he would have to make to be with her were "a hassle". He didn't sound so convinced he'd made the right choice and talked for a while about "not getting answers to prayers".

My heart sunk. I do believe that I am the cold-feet, new-flavor girl. I knew I had to be off-type and couldn't figure out why he seemed so fascinated. Well, now it's clear.

I'm grateful for the advice but fighting the girl sads. The more we talked, the closer I got to being on board with the idea of a relationship with him. Then the whistle blew and I realized that I was sailing on someone else's ship.

I don't know what the right choice is here. My sister said to just wait it out but the guy friend says to end it quick. I'm much sadder than I expected to be since I was so uncertain last week. It almost felt cruel to get the answers to all my own doubts only to uncover his.

So, we left the beach and went back to his parent's house where I had a wonderful conversation with them - because they are really fantastic and kind people. Then I whomped everybody at a trivia game, hugged his parents, kissed him goodbye....and began to look at my life through different glasses. It'll be a minor case of the sads. I'll be in England and travel always makes me feel less upset about disappointment. My only hope is that next time, I won't invest in the guy who is invested elsewhere.

And I've still got 3 other guys in the game. I'm so, so, SO glad I didn't let guilt force me to choose between them.

Speaking of which, C and I went to see BodyWorlds - the cadaver science/art project - at the California Science Center. The poor guy had a miserable time in traffic, so I went to the IMAX to wait for him. When he arrived, I had popcorn and soda in hand - he laughed at me - I am nothing if not self-sufficient!

The cadavers were amazing. I'm in awe of the human body and I wasn't grossed out at all. The lack of formaldehyde smell seems to have resolved my dead body stomach quivers. The project just brings all the beauty of the unseen human form - beneath our skin - to the forefront of thought. I loved one display where a skinned cadaver was holding all its skin - showing that the face we see really is just a mask for the within of self. C said I was "morbid" with my fascination - turns out he's not very "deep" - but I just felt drawn to the complex system that is the human body.