One of these days, I'm going to start blogging regularly again...I have much to say and I'm trying to keep the people in my life up to date. But for now, I am just going to give the answers to my exam below. I've included your grades in the comments....thanks for playing!
So, I'm walking down the hall today and obsessing about the relationship potential with the guys I'm sorta dating when I realized...the likelihood of my holding onto a guy long enough for even one of my concerns to be an actual issue in MY LIFE is so dismally low that I am achieving little more than problem solving some other woman's experience by thinking on anything related to relationships and current or future problems. I'll be lucky if I don't spend Friday night home picking at my toenails and complaining about General Hospital. So....no whinging "where oh where is my one true love" post here. Instead, I bring you something I wanted to do during finals week but was too busy taking finals to complete....
A Blogger-based Final Exam
A. True/False Section.
T/F Glo likes broccoli.
T/F Glo likes General Hospital.
T/F Glo thinks that romance on soap operas is (almost) dead.
T/F Glo escapes into soaps when romance in her life is (almost) dead.
T/F Glo just finished her BEST QUARTER EVER in school.
T/F Any true-false question using all caps is likely to be false.
T/F Glo plans to avoid looking at her grades until she is rejected as a doctoral candidate for her "poor showing in core classes"
T/F Glo thinks about quitting school almost every day.
T/F To avoid quitting school, Glo obsesses about GH.
B. Multiple Choice
1. The worst kind of professor is:
a. The megalomaniac who believes s/he controls the university
b. The egocentrist who believes only s/he stands to hold back the forces of ignorance.
c. The overscheduled who is never in the office during scheduled hours and gives tests so tough that your head spins while reading the instructions.
d. Whichever type is currently grading the test you failed.
2. Glo's favorite drink is:
a. Diet Coke
b. Rooibos tea because she is going caffeine-free by 2009.
c. Water
d. Coffee laced with alcohol
e. This is a trick question. Glo doesn't really exist. She's a figment of this blog's imagination and, thus, does not require liquids in any form.
3. Glo has returned to school because:
a. Her boss told her she had to if she wanted future promotions.
b. She wants to have children and "tradition" is passing her by.
c. She is tired of talking about vegetables and wants some diversity in her work.
d. All of the above.
e. None of the above. She is certifiably insane and wanted to torture herself.
4. In Glo's fantasy life, she is a:
a. Mom.
b. Writer.
c. World-famous philanthropist running clinics in underprivileged countries.
d. All of the above.
5. If Glo had all the money, time, and fertility in the world, she would:
a. Distribute it fairly among all the people of the world and shake her head in pity as everyone spent themselves back to their current level of poverty.
b. Become a doctor and work for Doctors without Borders.
c. Have 3 children and hire 2 nannies.
d. Retire in Idaho for 10 years to raise kids, animals, and co-write something fabulous, and then become a doctor for Doctors without Borders.
e. Get married, move to Idaho for 10 years to raise kids, animals, and co-write something fabulous, and then become a doctor for Doctors without Borders and eventually run the Red Cross while helping her children and husband to achieve their dreams.
f. Get a dog. And a dog trainer. And a professional dog-keeper to scoop the poop.
g. Write the longest multiple choice question in history.
6. Glo's biggest pet peeve is:
a. Being interrupted by phone calls
b. Being cut off in traffic (hint: this isn't it)
c. Traffic that moves slower than 10 mph
d. The fact that people can't just be who they are and find acceptance in the world.
e. Rich people who don't share or play well with others.
7. This multiple choice section has turned into a rant because:
a. Glo realized grades will be posted today.
b. Glo is feeling old and infertile today.
c. Glo has probably screwed up 2-3 more relationships in the past 2 weeks.
d. Glo has a no-caffeine headache
e. Glo wants more candy.
f. None of the above
g. Some of the above - depends on the moment
8. Glo's favorite character on General Hospital is:
a. Jason
b. Liz
c. Diane
d. Sonny
e. Sam
f. Edward
9. Glo's favorite couple on General Hospital is:
a. Monica & Alan
b. Liz & Jason
c. Diane & Alexis
d. Jax & Carly
e. Claudia & Johnny
f. Rick & Marianna
10. Question #9 has elements of comedy because:
a. Claudia & Johnny are siblings with way too much chemistry.
b. Everyone knows there are no "couples" on GH anymore.
c. There are also no lesbians on GH at present.
d. Rick & Marianna were just named "most fast forwarded" by an expert panel.
11. Glo has successfully avoid working for the past ____ minutes
a. 10
b. 57
c. 123
d. Trick question: Glo is a crazy-mad multi-tasker.
12. Glo is going to check her grades after she hits "publish"
a. True
b. False
c. I refuse to answer. I hate it when teachers throw in faux-T/F during the multiple choice section.
C. Essay
In as few words as possible, describe your reaction to anything on this post. You need not use grammar, spelling, or any known language. Write your answer in your head and beam it to me or use more traditional methods. You may proceed.
8 comments:
Is it at all reassuring to you that I just got back my first grade of the semester for my class, and, while it was worse than I would have liked, it was also better than I expected? Hold on to that thought till I get my midterm results back.
That's a long exam, but here's my shot at it:
A.
T
T
T
T
F (next question is a tip-off. can you have a retroactive tip-off?)
T (and there I thought all caps meant sincerity)
F (who can avoid looking at grades?)
T (don't we all)
F (obsession with GH is good for so much more than just that!)
Section B
1. c (I know you think it's d, but really, life isn't always about grades. let's be objective here.)
2. e (but if we're extrapolating into the space in which there is a person behind Glo, then a.)
3. e (that's why I'm doing it. therefore, since I like you, I assume that's why you're doing it too.)
4. d (all in good time, honey.)
5. e (Glo is a mad multi-tasker)
6. d. although a is pretty bad, too.
7. g, obviously.
8. No clue; Joe Bloggs says when in doubt, pick c.
9. See response to 8. c.
10. Joe Bloggs says you can occasionally make guesses if you have a feeling about it, so this time, I'll go with b.
11. c. Good for you, Glo!
12. a. Though yes, c, I hate that too.
Section C
Idaho. Is that like Belgium, France? If not, can it be?
Final Exam
Section A
False
True
True
True
False
True
True
True
True
Section B
1 – d
2 – a
3 – d
4 – d
5 – e
6 – d
7 – g
8 – a
9 – b
10 – b
11 – d
12 – c
Section C
Wow, I really do know nothing at all about General Hospital. I can’t believe you would give me a test about something you know I know nothing about!
As long as we learn, grades don't matter. Right?
I have test anxiety, but I'll go with D on question 1 of the multiple choice and tell you how a long time ago--when we were still in the cold war--I had an English professor who tried to tell us the reason the Russians wouldn't ever attack us was because of American football. Apparently our "strategy" scared the living daylights out of them.
Whatever.
Do you ever have those nightmares about the end of term where you discover you've been enrolled in a class you never once attended? Or you did attend, but for some reason you never once turned in a single assignment? I still have those and I've been out of school for a very long time.
all I know is that you are beyond addicted to GH and diet coke. You hated your "term" at school, (and broccoli) and all you want is for the children you care for to get better, God to straighten out the man you're going to marry and send him your way already, settle down and have many, many, many children to love and to nurture and feed ice cream for dinner. (and name one of them Charlie)
how'd I do???
:)
You know, GH and I go way back. I mean waaaay back to when I was about 8. My grandmother watched it. That was pre-Luke and Laura days.
I'm sorta really bored with the whole thing... really.
And yet on Sundays I still try to catch an episode or two.
How sick is that?
Oh, and I STILL dream that I have one more class to take before I graduate from college... it usually takes me about three days to remember that I HAVE graduated.. in fact, several times.
Some levels of panic never die.
Lia - excellent score - 62%. And 10 bonus points for being reassuring. Final grade: A.
Cate - not bad - 77%. You get 10 bonus points for playing along so nicely and for actually knowing my fave couple on GH....was it a lucky guess or have I really subjected you to that much GH babbling? Final grade: A+
Dem - 10 bonus points for being well-grounded but you get an F on the exam. Sorry. Final grade: B
Compulsive - 50 bonus points for pointing out the thesis statement in this exam as well as providing more buoyancy to the idea that I am smarter than my professors. Final grade: D. You should probably talk to the disability resource center about that anxiety problem.
D&C - good understanding of the general concepts presented in the readings. However, failure to accurately mark the testing tool has resulted in an incomplete for this quarter. Final grade: I. Please talk to me after class.
Lianne - you're a joy to have in class but your responses show a lack of dedication to your academics. Come and see me after class because I'm wicked-mad good at academic mentoring (i.e. I make you feel terrible while making myself feel really great about me).
Final grade: C+
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