Good afternoon. Today I will read to you from Text #34 of the Book of American Politics. The chapter is known as 'the insincere apology' and is said thus....
"For the past [#] years as [insert position of authority/power/great boat loads of money and influence and bad stuff no one else gets/does for free and without police involvement], I have tried to uphold a vision of progressive politics that would [insert vague and unsubstantiated political goal here]. We sought to bring real change to [insert population name] and that will continue.
Today I want to briefly address a/an [insert purposefully vague reference to inappropriate behavior]. I have acted in a way that violates my [insert subjective yet important noun] to my [close yet legal personal unit used for political gain, can include pets if indiscretion did not involve animals] and violates sense of [insert moral opinion as defined by the populace]. I apologize first and most importantly to my [insert socially approved personal unit]. I apologize to the [insert offended populace], whom I promised [insert vague political ideal never intended to provide and never truly expected by public].
[Insert political power-preserving idealism meant to ensure that all your ex-friends continue on amoral pathways with cool, free, illegal stuff] is best for the [insert populace name]. But I have [grovel, grovel, grovel]. I must now [insert nice excuse for getting the hell out of Dodge before the feds change their mind about prosecution].
I will not be taking questions. Thank you very much."
A moving, moving read from the Book of American Politics. I would like to end with a little personal aside that builds upon the text.
It's difficult to know what to say in these trying times of [insert grievous sin/error/utter stupidity]. So many thoughts leap to the mind...so many references...moral outrages...ponderances on IQ and cause-effect rationale and how anyone could think that wouldn't cause utter downfall...concerns about a republic preserved by those who represent the anti-thesis of its philosophical establishment. But all is summarized in one simple quote, spoken by the immortal Jim Carrey in the movie Liar, Liar....
STOP BREAKING THE LAW
Thank you.
6 comments:
Bah. I was going to try to start a healthy debate here, but I couldn't do it without getting too wordy.
Perfect.
Your grasp of the absurdity of our political system is perfect.
As usual.
All these government/business/civic/anything leaders should pay more attention to the bible...especially that part that says, "that which ye have spoken in the ear in closets shall be proclaimed upon the housetops." Score one more for thousands of years ago prophesy regarding our day and age! Even in Japan, this news is huge. Good Jim Carrey quote!
Politicians and not beaking the law does not compute. Isn't that part of the resume?
Not that I would ever dream of giving approval to some of the other things that politicians (read: NY guv) do, but it isn't always breaking the law. Sometimes it's morally wrong, but the law of the land allows it. So (to start heated debate), is it really right to remove a person from office/prosecute a person for a moral offense that is technically legal and between only that person and his/her socially accepted personal unit?
And to think, his lieutenant governor was just blind to the whole thing. *rim shot*
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