Ring Out the Old, Ring In the New --- Tennyson

2008...it was a year....

Of empowerment as I realized sadness can be prevailing but not depressive.

Of increasing girth as I gave up caring about myself, my career, and my future.

Of embarrassment as I finally grasped the interconnectedness of all human beings, for, though no person chooses to live and no person can choose the path which leads to death, we all, daily, interact and affect one another - truly no choice is made in isolation from the whole.

Of loneliness as I discovered that whether I choose righteousness or wickedness, the same solitary path stretches out in front of me.

Of anger as I begged the world to change my fate and received silent, form letter responses in physical and metaphysical manifestation.

Of self-blame as the Universe taught me that every element of my life is justice in action.

Of goodbyes as I dismissed childhood, love, hope, and faith in happy tomorrows, then replaced them with sincerity, honesty, and harsh, cold reality.

Of the end of dreams as I pushed the lantern holding my romanticism out across placcid seas of poor decision-making, an overweight body, and vanity that denied those who offered love during younger, prettier, more acceptable days of my life.

Of wisdom as I came to understand that the baubles traded in foolish innocence can never be repurchased with the funds of maturity.

Of acceptance as I finally stopped the tantrums and stepped into my own light, regardless of the fact that few applauded my move and fewer agreed and many, many criticized or turned away to let me start my long walk with so little guidance and comfort that I wondered how my feet took a single step - yet, so they did and so they will continue to do.

Of spiritual confusion as I quieted the many voices vying for attention and chose, instead, to accept only what my heart feels is true and my mind accepts as peace.

Of joy as I finally learned to live and let live and embraced the family structure that continues to shield me from the just rewards brought about by a foolish, vain, and prideful childhood.

Of awareness that every day holds choices and every choice opens or closes doors that will never open or close again and that there is no guidance as to how to know which doors to open and close, so all a person can do is appreciate the open doors of the moment while blindly moving to the next experience.

Of gratitude for the children God has blessed me to know and sadness for those I failed to make of my own body as I was told my time of fertility is passing too rapidly but society is changing slowly, so the love I get from my nieces and nephews is the vicarious representation of a dream I soon will also have to set out to sea, along with my hope for love and romance.

Of release as I stood at the edge of the Grand Canyon and imagined tossing each of these statements over the edge, to join 2 billion year old rocks that probably little imagined the upper crust landscape, just as I never saw in my past the future formed with each layer of experience.

Of forgiveness as I experienced God's and my own grace in order to let go of a million regrettable decisions.

And so, with an adieu to another year of harsh lessons and trials, I greeted 2008 with my sister's family to the tune of Miley Cyrus and Carrie Underwood at Dick Clark's Rockin' New Years Eve. With thoughts of my own childhood, I watched my niece mimic dance moves on TV. I asked if she wanted to be a dancer. She continued to move - I assumed she was ignoring me, so I returned to my viewing and reverie.

A few minutes later, she came over to me and said, "I don't want to be a dancer. I want to be a Just Be-er."

I looked at her quizzically. "What is a Just Be-er?"

She began to contort her small body, bending her elbow until it touched the ground. She dropped a knee and slid down as she raised one leg high. With her ear, shoulder and knee supporting her in balance, she explained her 4-year-old resolution for 2008.

"A Just Be-er is someone who just does stuff." She carefully but not gracefully extended her upper arm out above her head.

As she tottered uneasily, she continued, "See, I didn't know how to do this, but I just be'ed it. And now I can do things I never knew how to do before."

She toppled onto her back, giggled, and pushed herself to her feet as she said with simplicity, "And sometimes, you have to do other things. That's a Just Be-er." She skipped off to new amusements.

Out of the mouth of babes, I thought, marveling at the never-ending wisdom possessed by children under the age of accountability. And I decided that after the wild but momentary popularity of 2005, the emotional & physical crash of late 2006 and the ongoing sadness of 2007, I would make only one simple resolution this year:

In 2008, I Will Be a Just Be-er. I will do stuff. I will learn that I can do things I never could do. And, sometimes, especially if I fall, I will do other things. Because that's a Just Be-er.

And so I chose an old favorite jaunty pop-song as my year's theme...if only radioblog had a copy, I would post hear so all could be reviled by its simple chord structure and overly cheerful vocal quality:

I had it all lined up, then my future crashed.

I heard the deadbolt lock. And there stood my past.

And there are no songs for tomorrow on the backroads of my sorrow.

I could beg, steal, I could borrow...but the grace would have to come to me.

Gonna shake my soul and release my hold, giving up control, let the rest unfold.

Cuz it's a long, long way from here to where we go...

In the face that I wore as a child, I can see myself.

Every day of my life, I'm trying just to be myself, to free myself...

Ancient wisdom of the spirit, Ollie, Ollie, in come free...

And when the four winds blow and the rivers flow

I'm gonna rock and roll

Cuz when it all gets told

It's a long, long way from here to where we go.

--- Beth Nielsen Chapman, Shake My Soul

I wish all persons everywhere the freedom to become a Just Be-er this year. Happy 2008.