Daily amusements

There are a few things in life that amuse me: SPAM that informs me I've won the lotto in a foreign country whose GNP is less than the stated winnings amount my love-hate affair with General Hospital, and my astrological chart.

1) SPAM makes us all feel important andI'm no different. Per my SPAM folder, I'm a big winner in many countries. The running total informs me that I've won over $450 million dollars from countries in which I've never lived, entered the lottery, or anything else that may have qualified me to win the lotto. I'm the richest person in Lithuania, South Africa, Guatemala, Papua New Guinea, Zimbabwe (I won 5 times last week), and some old lady in Britain keeps trying to leave me $50 million dollars - I've told the Queen I want nothing to do with her. If I was a princess switched at birth, then so be it - stop sending me emails. I love my adopted parents. But to no avail....I just keep winning the lotto in foreign countries or having rich relatives drop to death with my email address on dying breath.

2) General Hospital. Loved it yesterday. Huh. Up and down and up and down. WHEEEEEEEE.......*sigh*

3) The real topic today: my astrological chart. I signed up at Astrology.com ages ago. I don't know if I trust astrology. My rational side tells me that if astrology is true then everyone in the world born at the same time as I was born would have to experience the exact same life. I've never heard of such a thing...so, I don't trust the veracity of astrology. I believe the stars and moon affect our bodies - most women menstruate according to the moon cycle and sleep patterns vary according to the moon - but I doubt that gravity is responsible for both the good and bad of my day-to-day life. However, I find my daily astrology reading the most amusing piece of random in the world. Since I've been receiving these for some time, I know that the entire system is automated. A new star could appear in the heavens and rearrange the entire visual spectrum and my chart would still pop out the same mixture of 12 "predictions" because it's just a computer sending out pre-programmed items on pre-programmed days. I hope that if the world "ends", I still have a computer. I can't wait to watch all HELL break loose and my chart to say something pithy like expect a quiet day as you let your energy reset in order for a calmer, more beautiful tomorrow. Ah, irony. How I love even the idea of you....

I noticed the other day that I approach my daily reading as though it were a hyper-sensitive friend with a tendency to annoy me but who was just rational enough to keep me loyal. The other day, I was feeling very good. I opened my email and thought, that horoscope better not predict anything negative because it's a good day and I just don't want to deal with astrological negativity.

I opened the email: If you're out to woo someone, they don't stand a chance of resisting you -- whether they've been with you for thirty years or thirty minutes.

Why, that's lovely. Thank you horoscope, I thought, pleased to have encountered the horoscope in such a kind mood.

Then the horoscope's mothering side emerged: The only word that could possibly describe how you're feeling now is 'antsy.' Uncross those hands, get up and stop pretending it isn't happening. Do something! Nail-biting doesn't count.

Oh, for Pete's sake! I don't bite my nails! Why are you always in my business? It's my life! I can sit around and let TV live life for me if I choose! Garsh! I rolled my eyes. The horoscope just can't leave well enough alone. But I read on:

You're not on 'Fear Factor,' and there definitely aren't any thousand-legged bugs crawling all over you. It's your nerves, plain and simple. Now sit still and act like a professional.

Grrrrr. I apologized to my horoscope...but then it jumped into yet another mood:

Remember back in grade school how the only acceptable way to get someone to notice you was to aggravate them? Pretend you're back there, and someone's recent behavior will finally make sense.

Ah. Now I get it. Astrological chart, are you trying to say you love me? That's so sweet.

And that's my thoughts on what amuses me today....