Friday, September 14, 2007

The Moon Effect OR a Good Reason not to Mix Medications

By the time I washed my hair last night, I had hives behind both ears with the tingling pre-hive feeling at the crown of my head and base of the neck. The water and Benadryl worked magic but I was too stuffy to sleep, so I took some Nyquil. With that combo, I can't take my headache medicine, so I substituted Tylenol to pre-empt the headache. I'm fairly medicine-savvy, so I knew I was safe - just didn't realize that loopiness combined with lucid dreaming could be a silly combination.

I dreamed I was playing cards in Jason's penthouse from General Hospital. *Important side note: I have watched Jason's story on GH since my sophomore year in high school. If ever it were possible to feel friendship for a character, this would be my TV friend.* Spinelli (the resident computer geek on the show) and I were playing Go Fish. A knock sounded at the door. Jason opened the door and the beautiful blonde from Jericho entered. I rolled my eyes at Spinelli, who giggled, before I crossed to greet her.

She began immediately to enlist my help in convincing Skeeter Ullrich (Jake on Jericho) to choose her over Heather, the adorable but much plainer teacher on the show.

"What is this?" Jason asked.

I shrugged. In all honesty, I can only make that response in Dreamland. I have minimal control over the strange visions.

Emily continued her pitiful pleadings. Given that I have limited patience in real life, my dream persona tolerates only a small degree more stimulation.

"Yeah! Emily! Enough! I get it. Jake. He's hot. He's a leader. There are only 7 episodes left of the entire series. He'll have to choose. So, here's reality: You're gorgeous, blonde, and more than a little helpless. PLUS, your picture is splashed with his on every promotional poster. So, get over it. You'll win. For the record, I think Heather would have been a much better choice. She's smart, resourceful, self-sustaining, and has the moral backbone Jake occasionally lacks - meaning that Jake could be the leader he is while she guides him gently towards good decisions and takes care of herself and her family without dividing his attention from needful things. But she isn't gorgeous, blonde, and needy, so his ego is much less likely to respond to her. It's cool. You're nice, too. Just get over yourself a bit and don't worry. CBS will make all the easy choices and you'll rule the day."

I closed the door. Jason handed me my coat. We were off to the annual Pottery Barn garage sale, which is held in Silverlake, California, apparently.

Since my dream was awash of cancelled or near-cancelled TV shows, I was not surprised to see the garage sale staffed by the characters from Gilmore Girls. I bought nitschy items from each now-lost familiar face, including a lovely squash sculpture from the funny farmer, Jackson.

Characters from GH wandered and I did my best to avoid them since the high drama really ruined my happy. However, Jason wanted to see his son, so I couldn't avoid Elizabeth and her eternally pouty husband, Lucky. Then the shrill and harping Robin joined the group to flirt with Jason and lecture Elizabeth on proper parenting. I played with the baby until I could stand the dialogue no longer.

"Oh bleh! You know what the problem is with General Hospital right now? No female writers! How can you expect to write romantic entanglement without a single well-written female character? The women are either shrill or milquetoast. The men wander from bed to bed and gunfight to gunfight while whining that the women "just don't understand" and so they "have to" cheat. We're supposed to accept this male fantasy imposed on a time-honored romantic tradition such as daytime TV?!"

I turned to leave but got grabbed and kissed by Cooper, an attractive cop on the show. He pulled his gun and went chasing after one of the mob goons.

"See!" I shouted. "Not romantic, Coop! Could someone please hire a woman at ABC?"

The scene changed. Jason, Jake and I were sneaking around a truck stop. I stopped for a minute as the two conferred about the best way to rig a big rig.

"Why, again, are we stealing a semi truck?" I asked.

Jason glanced up to shush me. "To get all your purchases back to the house."

I grimaced. "But why steal a truck? Either you or I could afford a U-Haul. We're never going to make it out of town in a stolen semi."

Both men rubbed the backs of their necks in frustration. My dreamscape was interrupted by noise in the real-world bedroom. I opened my eyes to see Diva standing at my bedside, ready for a snuggle and early (way too early) morning conversation about her own very interesting dreams.

No comments: