Friday, October 06, 2006

It's Here! It's Time! You Probably Won!

Welcome to the Second Annual Blog Envy Awards*


Glo enters...


Welcome to today's presentation of the Blog Gods! *pause for mad applause* My co-host, James Spader, will join me as soon as he finishes the opening number - a rousing song and dance number expressing David E. Kelley's frustrations over the unfairness of taxation on gift baskets. After all, what's the use of being a celebrity if you can't get hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of free gifts in addition to a salary millions of dollars beyond the average American?


James enters....with William Shatner....


Very well said, Glo. Though, once again, I remind you that it's likely illegal for you to use my image without permission.


Glo shrugs.


Likely. But you go where my imagination goes.


James grins.


Gladly, my dear. Quite gleefully, actually.


William groans.


But I just get to watch. How's that any fun for me?


Glo blushes.


I really think this portion of the evening should come to a close. And now...we present...


All three speak in unison


The Blog Envy Awards!


**Categories***

Blog Appearance

Best template: Omar
Most frequent template change: Omar
Most template-based on-blog whining: Syar - but just because everyone says it's so
Best sidebar: Radioactive Jam for his Homer quotes
Funniest sidebar: Jon - just plain classic by now
Best drop-down box(es): Cate - because she could and she did
Best pop-up hover thingys: Syar
Best blog description: Lianne - her entry page says it all
Best blog entry point: Radioactive Jam

Blog Content

Best overall blog: Omar - he's a god. Need I say more?
Best overall blog post: Omar for Oval Office Guy Talk
Best humorous post: Omar for The Truth About Root Canal Treatment
Best serial post: Dem - Saving Private Demosthenes has been going strong for a year - incredible!
Most distressing hiatus from posting:(multi-way tie) Jon, Jedith, Mrs. Charlie, Buffalo, Lou, A, girlspit
Best philosophical post: I honestly couldn't choose - philosophy is what bloggers do best
Best political post: Dem for A Comically Ridiculous Conflict - because politics taken seriously and without the potential for offense is just a waste of energy
Best fractured fairy tale: Syar - the muffin girls? Girl - even hungry you rule.
Best post about posting: Lianne for Bla Bla Bla
Most revealing post:(tie) Katie - for being brave enough to hurt and Nadia - for having the courage to be scared
Best HNT post: Jazz, - this shot is a work of art. Honorable mention: Jaimie - for those abs!
Most embarrassing post: Omar for his lack of IT-ness
Most life-changing post: Glo for Lesson the First
Most terrifying post: Radioactive Jam - for the Friday freakout freaky bear - and, yes, I do blame Cate
Gushworthiest post: elasticwaistbandlady - for a post that makes you go ewww and awww at the same time!
Most Bittersweet post: (tie) Cadiz - for bluntly stating why it's wrong to be young and sick and Chef - for trying to make humor assuage great pain
Best kid-based post: Compulsive Writer - for the most creative Birds and the Bees talk in recorded history
"We've Got Cute Kids" award: Sam and Bluths
Best reason to make sure you're feeling grounded before having evil offspring: (tie) Lianne - I love each and every one of 'em - you know that - but whoa! The ride you're on... and elasticwaistbandlady - for her clever way to destroy Miss Manners for the next generation
Post with freakiest freak-out factor: Radioactive Jam - thanks to you, I fear Fridays
Best dating-based post: Glo - now with James T. Kirk!
Best general use of graphic or photo: Wendela (I framed that picture of me and James)
Best use of photoshop: Wendela - for her reveal of Omar in the 'hood, her "MIA" announcement for Carrot Jello, and every other time she loads the program...AWEsome, lady!
Best use of music: Cate - for always having a soundtrack for everything
Most consistently hilarious use of YouTube: Tayster for having a video for everything
Best music-based quiz (a.k.a. Glo got more than 1 right): Cate and Omar - I refuse to choose because I sucked BIGTIME on both quizzes
Best overall quiz: Nadia - for an IQ test never to be forgotten
Best overall artistic challenge/post: Omar - for the photo assignment on idioms

Random Awards Thought Up To Amuse Me

Best use of a countdown: Lianne - viva la France!
Blog most likely to get its own TV show:(tie) Cate - her quirky punctiliorsomething style just begs to be serialized (and slanderized) by HBO and Lia because something about her writing makes me picture her with notebook in hand wearing fashionable clothing...

***We interrupt for our Very Special Presentation***
Glo-attendance Achievement Award: Artguy - for always being there on both blogs and saying something nice - your support is always *much* appreciated
***Raucous Applause Ensues***

Best G.Lo of an inappropriate post: Glo - because no one does it like I do it
Best non-glo G.Lo of an inappropriate post: Omar for the now-defunct 'Unnecessary Censorship' - I was rather impressed by his rapid delete
Best Glo appearance in a post: (tie) Dem because, dammit, I do love muffins and Lianne for uncovering my secret life
Most efficacious use of flattery: Lianne for obtaining a link on Omar's precious site
Most heart-wrenching poetry: (tie) Cate and Syar
Post worth a thousand Oprahs: (tie) Glo - for her ongoing dating series, Nadia - for being everything honest that a teen could be
Post most likely to create international hijinx: Lianne - at long last, French for the common redneck and/or LOST cast member
Best advice a celebrity never took: Cate - yet another letter to my drunken adulterer
Best addition to blog lexicon: Cate - RLI means always having to say I'm sorry
Most distressing experience of RLI:(tie) A's disappearance even if it was for amazingly good reasons and Lia for forgetting to submit her nominations to me
Best grumpy face: Lianne - do you practice that look?
Best use of sarcasm in comments: JohnnyMenace - I told you it was a lock
Best example of keeping your sense of humor when kidnapped by aliens: Lianne. Duh.
Best on-blog event: Omar and Cate for hijacking my blog in order to give me an amazing 29th birthday - you guy and are fantastic and all that other stuff!
Most successful on-blog idea gone global: Scroob for the amazingly cool knitting site!
Best "I'm cool with who I am" on-blog moment: Lianne for actually making an arrow to point to her "bad ass" - I'm still laughing and saying you're the coolest ever...
Best place to go for cool new stuff you've never seen before: Scroob and Tayster
Best use of socks: Radioactive Jam - sorry, Syar, but his had more monkeys
Best place to go if your socks are almost as ugly as Britney's: Go Fug Yourself

*Brought to you by Self-Absorbed, Inc. A proud subsidiary of IAMME, Ultd.
**Categories based entirely on whim, fancy, and other subjective criteria.
***Please remember to record your acceptance speech in the comments. Make it corny, I beg you.

25 comments:

jazz said...

i began by trying to count the awards given to omar, but i lost track somewhere in the thirties.

but, needless to say, i'm honored to be included in such a talented group.

and speechless. almost. i mean, except for that stuff above, i'm pretty speechless.

Eric said...

I don't know what to say, but I will still take five minutes to do so.

It is an honor to share the stage with Scroob. She is the Katherine Hepburn of blogs and just to be up here with her is like standing next to...well...Katherine Hepburn. (But the younger Katherine, not the "On Golden Pond" Katherine.)

As for my other award, I guess I can steal better than the rest of you. I'd like to thank YouTube & Google video for all the time I've wasted at work on their sites.

And finally, I'd like to thank Carrot Top, because no one else will ever thank him at an awards show.

(MUSIC STARTS TO FADE IN)

Oh yeah, my family, friends, co-workers, monkeys, zombies and...

ANNOUNCER: We'll be back in a moment while Tayster is taken in the back and forced to have dinner with Rosie O'Donnell.

glo said...

*applause*

Great way to start off the acceptance speeches! It was a great year of blogging!

ScroobiousScrivener said...

I'm stunned. Stunned. I was stunned before I read Tayster's comment, and now I'm even more stunned. I think I should get that on a T-shirt or something.

Thank you! Thank you! *bawls* You really like me!

*wipes tears*

Thank you.

Bill C said...

I won? I won?! Ooh! Oh! Ooh!
*runs to accept*
*forgets scissors in hand*
*remembers scissors*
*panics*
*trips*
*falls*
*cuts hand*
*cracks skull*
*monkeys swarm stage*
*melee ensues*
*shiniest awards disappear*
*organizers re-think future ceremonies*

Eric said...

And the award for the most cameos in acceptance speeches:

Monkeys!

Sarah Cate said...

Wow. This is such an incredible moment for me - You like me, you really like me!

But apparently less than last year. I'm slipping, I know - but all this pressure to blog! I just can't take it anymore! *breathes deeply*

Sorry about that - now where was I?
Oh, yeah - you like me.

So, my sincerest thanks to the committee for this tremendous honor. And, of course, for saving me on my taxes by skipping the gift baskets this year.

glo said...

Oh. My. Goodness.

I totally realized I forgot to leave my OWN acceptance speech. How very Glorific of me...

Thank ye, thank ye, thank ye! It's always fun to give oneself props, don't you think?

For the most loyal of readers who stuck with me through the craziest, growingest year of my life - thank you! Here's hoping that there's more funny and less runny (nose that is) in the year to come!

Ron Russon said...

So, Artguy stumbles on stage in his boyscout uniform. Tears are falling fogging up his glasses as he steps up to the micraphone and salutes. He says, "On my honor to do my best to do my ..er uh.. hmm...uh...Be prepared... I would like to thank my Momma and merit badges." He then faints and is caught by captain Kirk, a strange dream he has had from his childhood. Mr. Shatner pulls him off stage to great rounds of applause.

Unknown said...

Oh! I won something!!

I'd like to thak the Glo-mittee for this award. I've never won something before, so I don't really know what to say, but...

*Fights off Jedith and Lou for the microphone*

...I love all of my fans that continue to visit my sight...

*Accidentally elbows girlspit*

...I must admit, this is a stunning experience for me. I never win, and-well this is just-it's just amazing. I'd like to thank, again, the Glomittee and all of the other people that make me look good...

*Mrs Charlie falls off the stage and the music starts to play*

I guess that that's my cue to go,

THANK YOU!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

cadiz12 said...

a big thank-you to the academy.
much love

glo said...

Cadiz comes in with brevity - while Buffalo fails to admit that Mrs. Charlie fell off the stage laughing - Most EXCELLENT!

I do love the Blog Envy Awards...

wendela said...

Wow, wow, WOW! Thanks very much! I do not feel worthy in such blogtastic company. I have been absent lately and I've missed out on so much. Now this! What an honor. :)

I can't believe it was just mere months ago I'd never blogged in my life, then randomly (very randomly, because I was actually googling info on a Sex and the City episode) came across the Glo blog birthday take-over by Omar and Cate (that's how I found you), left a Happy B-Day comment and the rest, as they say (whoever "they" are), is history. Who knew?

Anyway, thanks loads and I'm very happy to accept! Even better I didn't have to appear anywhere and spend money on new clothes for the event.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

This is my very first time to win a BLOG GOD AWARD, and you've made the experience so memorable and scrapbook worthy. Yes, I'll never forget my first time.

I came to the blogosphere right at the dawn of the new year. Just a small town girl with dreams of making it big in the blogging world, and now I have a trophy to show as the fruits of my labor to go along with my numbed butt cheeks and carpal tunnel syndrome.

On behalf of myself and the sacrifice of all TV time and housecleaning in order to be here today, I'd like to thank you for this most prestigious honor.

Now where's the Award Banquet Buffet? I got a hankering for something covered in cream gravy.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I can't believe I just pulled a Hilary Swank!

I'd also like to thank my wonderful husband for all his love, support, and sweet smelling armpits.

*waves trophy around triumphantly*
I love you babe, we won this together!

glo said...

You came! You all really came! And at such a CRUCIAL time for me! *that's a joke, btw*

The Blog Envy Awards are such fun. Thanks for playing along....almost everyone has checked in....so that means I'll need new material soon. *sigh*

A said...

I won!!! even after being a dead idiot on the blogworld! Most honored AND I'd like to take this opportunity to announce to the universe that I've decided to fix the whole disappearence situation...in a few days....but it'll happen now.

omar said...

Sorry it took me so long, I left the awards ceremony early to get to the after party while the hors d'oeuvres were still hot.

I really don't know what to say, this is such an amazing honor! First, I'd like to thank the Committee for these fabulous awards. Also, I'd like to thank the staff members working at omarphillips.net headquarters for helping me to keep churning out "cutting edge" entertainment. Most importantly, I'd like to thank the readers... (pause for dramatic effect) Without you guys, I would have stopped doing this a long time ago. Blogging is fun, but you guys make it more than that, you make it... rewarding. These awards are as much yours as they are mine -- figuratively speaking, that is, because you'd have to pry these ten trophies out of my cold, dead hands! Hahahahahha (continues laughing while walking off stage to confused laughter, polite applause, and a smattering of boos from the crowd).

(Comes back on stage) Come on! That was totally a joke!

Nadia said...

*blush* Guess it pays not to think before you type. You know you're only encouraging me, right? That does not bode well for anyone.

Thanks for the recognition. Ima keep doing you proud. Now if you'll excuse me, I do believe there are quite a few doors that need propping open with shiny pretty things.

glo said...

I live to encourage my readers...keep blogging y'all! Plans are already in the works to make next year's awards show bigger and better and more all-inclusive!

Anonymous said...

Blogger swallowed my acceptance speech. damned censors, playing music over my thank you's! *shakes fist*

so I'll cut it short and try again. Thank you Glo. You singlehandedly motivated me to write poems again (haven't written one since June) and quit neglecting my poetry blog.

And Jam? That Sock award is mine next year, buddy. Be ready.

Thanks again Glo! You totally made my blogging year!

Anonymous said...

and Omar...*bows down* I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy.

oh, congrats everyone!

dalene said...

You like me, you really like me!

Shocked and awed.

Flattered.

I see I'm in good company.

I'd like to thank my producer and the caterers...

glo said...

Awwww...the Blog Envy awards will disappear next post...see you next year!

Anonymous said...

I'm so overwhelmingly thrilled to join the cadre of Blog God receipients. In case it appears otherwise, due to my excessively tardy acceptance, please note that one of my awards for Most Distressing Experience of RLI.

My own TV show - I'm going starry-eyed at the thought. Aaaaw! I have you all to thank for it, you who come and read and encourage me to put my virtual pen to virtual paper. And maybe, one day, I'll make it to virtual TV! That would be the culmination of a lifetime's anticipation. Thank you, thank you.

And thank you for not killing me for not commenting until after Glo closed the awards show. If anyone's even reading this. My ratings are way low.