One Very Vain Dream

I dreamed last night that as I packed in preparation for this week's business trip back east (be prepared: out of town Wednesday through Friday), I got a phone call from the hospital.

"Glo. The government needs you. Be prepared to leave Monday."

I cursed. I have lots and lots of work to do in the office. But how to refuse the government?!

That night, I was rudely awakened by a group of commandos.

"Crap," I complained. "I don't even get a good night's sleep first?!"

The commandos kept yelling something about national security. I complained about Benjamin Franklin's stupid idea for changing clocks willy-nilly all year long. I put on some fluffy bunny slippers, a lovely yellow robe (I don't own either - but in my dream I did), and shaved off all my hair (yes, this slight psychosis continues.)

I descended the stairs to see my entire advanced placement school group - from long long ago - waiting in the van. We greeted each other, passing pleasantries, and complaining that there had to be smarter ex-smart kids for the government to annoy.

At long last, we got to the secret government facility. We were told to shower and prepare for the long trek to Washington, DC. This was the first bit of good news. I would be able to make my business meetings after all!

I put on a lovely outfit and some very nice business shoes with a practical heel. The drill sergeant entered and criticized, "You'll want a flatter heel! We're doing yoga all the way!"

Begrudgingly, I changed my shoes into lovely little slipper-sandals. I went out to the lawn and we began the yoga journey.

"This is very exhausting," I complained amidst a vinyasa.

A friend of mine from school days agreed, "And quite slow progress. I don't see how we'll ever get to Washington, DC, at this rate. We must move 2 inches per pose!"

But we continued onward. As we stretched and strengthened, the pounds melted away. We were soon replaced by our young selves.

When the final person transformed back into 3rd grade, we were suddenly at the White House. "We arrived! That last Triangle really moved the miles!" I exclaimed.

We were taken to the Ready Room where the CIA handed us military documents and asked us to "Initiate Problem Solving Sequence."* We got out our pencils and brainstormed solutions to the world problem at hand.

We had just arrived at the last phase - writing our Best Solution essay - when I realized that I was late for work. I jumped up, back to my adult self, and grabbed a pastry on my way out the door, apologizing profusely to the CIA, but I just can't afford to miss a day...

Thus, I cannot tell you if our world was saved. But I'm confident a group of 3rd graders from Idaho could never steer the country wrong....


*Problem Solving is a semi-academic competition for grade schoolers. You are given a scenario (i.e. global warming is melting the ice caps) and you have 2 hours to brainstorm all possible solutions and present your "best" in the form of an essay. I competed for 5 years - not very successfully - but every so often, I get Problem Solving dreams like this one as a reward for years of imaginative effort.