Because the thought made me smile...

I never intended to really write any of this to the blog - but it's too hilarious and mock-worthy. Hence, it needs to be part of the world wide web. By the way - this is exactly how I speak when I'm ranting. Seriously. There is more of my real personality in this post than anything I've ever written here....read it and feel the fear....

I have mentioned K.C. - my Friend's friend who is absofreakin' famous for confusing every woman who comes into contact with him - except me, because I had already heard his MO from Friend and thus knew that he has the following issues: 1) he doesn't know what the hell he wants, 2) he only dates exceptionally beautiful yet insecure women, and 3) his hands are as busy as Grand Central Station at 5:15 pm. That kind of person makes me cold, but, alas, he is part of my world at the moment.

He and I had one run-in a few months ago where those omnipresent hands found themselves to my body. Big whoop. I knew it meant nothing to either of us. He's a handsome, charming, can-be-sweet guy - but I have little use for over-inflated ego. And I'm - to borrow his own words - not cute at all. Yeah. That was a big, happy moment in our non-friendship. But I had an epiphany about him, saw him in a new light, yadda yadda yadda. We became sorta friends in a very I hang out with you when I have to way.

Last weekend, Friend asked if I would take KC along on my weekend outing. Amidst much grimacing, I agreed - reminding myself that he would likely be on decent behavior as we were meeting up with my friends, who knew his story, too, and would love a reason to let him know that they think I'm cute.

Anyway - we're hanging at CityWalk, waiting for my friends (who we can't find.) I borrow his phone to call my phone because I can't find it in my purse. Because KC can't frikkin' keep his hands to himself - he's standing there with his arms around me, kissing my forehead, rubbing my back - and I'm thinking "what the hell?!". Anyway, my phone is AWOL. I've left it somewhere.

The guy freaks out! He starts being stand-offish and barely talking - like I've deliberately done something to him. On my part - I'm pissed because now my evening with friends is officially ruined and I'm stuck with KC who is acting like the ass I'm trying to forget he can be.

So - I ditch him. First chance I get. I do my own thing at the bar. I'm watching the mechanical bull when I spot him and feel obligated to be nice. He stands beside me and plays with my hair while we joke about the injuries we hope the men on the bull incur. I smile up at him after a moment and he just drops his arms and backs off. He's being lame and weird still....so, I go dancing.

It's not a good night. The guys are really drunk for some reason and that makes them very, very daring. I push 2 off me for grabbing my ass. Then I'm dancing with another who wants to use me for quick sex - and proves that by sticking a hand down my pants. I push him into the wall and go to the bathroom to pull myself together.

I have no idea where KC (my ride) is, but that gives me time to calm down. He was standing to the side of the dance floor. Wasted a night of hot-hot chick-finding. I roll my eyes at him.

We're walking back and I'm shivering. A guy had just stuck his hands down my pants; it's been a long time since I was thus molested. So - I was visibly shaken. He puts an arm around me and I cuddle into his arm until we get back to the car - okay, it was a mistake, but I had freakin' been molested! The guy owed me 10 minutes, don't you think?!

We get in the car and he proceeds to give me a not-so-subtle talk on how he hates it when girls take him too seriously. I just looked at him incredulously and said something about how girls probably misread his obviously mixed signals and then changed the subject.

The next morning, I texted him that I hope he has a happy life and finds the light he used to have in his eyes and I'll send him the money he was so nice as to lend me. And that I am now back to being blissfully uninvolved in his life. And I mailed that money the next day with a rush of happiness I never expected to feel in my whole life.

None of this matters, except I was dying to rant about it. Because today it occurred to me:

I totally dissed* the L.A. boy that thinks every woman wants him.

Somedays. My coolness amazes me. And he can do something very inappropriate with my epiphany.**


*Not that he noticed. It's hard to see through that ego.
**At least for now - until God reminds me that for some strange reason, I'm supposed to be nice to KC.

Okay. So this nagging voice in my head says that someday, I'll know what the hell happened here and I'll really regret this post. But - that's not stopping me from publishing. Just know that I don't think KC is a jerk at all. He's just confused and confusing. I like the guy. I hope he learns to be happy. He's smart, talented, capable, funny, and pretty good company - I'd totally support anyone who wanted to date him. I'd just remind them to take along their own dose of self-esteem, just in case he turns weird or decides you don't match his self-importance. Oh - and don't forget the damn cell phone. Heaven forbid! We all know that lost cell phones mean Oh baby Take me now! Anyway - I apologize in advance for the moment I regret this.