The Return of Mostly Ignorant News

Good evening! Welcome to The Mostly Ignorant News* wherein I string together a post from 3 quick glances at someone else's newspaper.

Theme Song and Intro (mainly, my head fades in and out over scenes of the amazing, almost necessary things I do everyday...feeding my cats, talking to kids, writing blogs, finding amazing sales but spending nothing because I'm cheap, sorta watching the news while I chat with Cate on the phone...to the sounds of JoDee Messina):

Well you filled up my head,With so many lies.Twisted my heart, Til something snapped inside.I'd like to give it one more trybut my give a damn's busted.

I really wanna care,I wanna feel somethin'Let me dig a little deeper...Nope...Sorry...Nothin'

So, the first headline that jumped out at me in my 3-second perusal of today's major issues:

Hurricane Wilma blamed for 6 deaths What unfair, biased reporting! Now, I don't want to be all Patrician Heaton pro-hurricane* but how can those deaths be Wilma's fault? She is, after all, a hurricane. Her job is to blow things around. In my opinion, she was darned considerate of those people in the Keys. She paused for days over Cancun, killing only tourists and poor people (and we certainly have enough of those to spare a few, right?!) and then she sped up but kept a predictable course, and downgraded herself (which had to feel demeaning). I think we're being blame-heavy here. Can't we just say, "6 people died on Monday while Hurricane Wilma was in the general vicinity?" That seems much less inflammatory.

The next headline seemed in direct response to my editorialization on the Hurrican Wilma story.

Columnist not only wrong but a bad writer. I prefer "Columnist not only uninformed but incapable of writing a succinct paragraph. Her use of run-ons a little annoying as well." Do you see how that made your point but allowed for me to grow through your well-expressed criticism?

Despite my very open attitude, the newspaper was not willing to let it go.

Unless changes made, experts predict bad outcomes for California. Okay. Now who's being dramatic?! And who are these experts? Sheesh. I only expressed one little desire for hurricane awareness and now we're in a calamity. You just can't talk to newspapers these days....

That brings us to the close of The Mostly Ignorant News. I will be highly disappointed if you learned something from my ramblings. I sign off in homage to the late, great Jon Stewart....huh? What?! He's not dead....well, this segment makes no sense at all, so I'll just say....

See ya suckas!

Join us next time when The Mostly Ignorant News takes you once again to the frontlines of commuting in Los Angeles. Perhaps we will report on gum pollution, or avoiding that really talkative chick in the first car, or even something as important as the war in Iraq (but probably not).

*If you're looking for Madden quotes, you're a day late. Try yesterday's post.
**During the Emmys, Ellen Degeneres made a "We need to show support for New Orleans" statement. The camera panned to Patricia Heaton, who sat with her arms folded while others applauded. It was obvious to all of America that Patty was decidedly pro-hurricane and anti-New Orleans.