In honor of both the Emmys and my blog anniversary (3 weeks ago….I have mentioned an inability to remember things and it’s pretty universal. Even my own birthday has slipped my mind.), I decided to hold the 1st Annual Blog Envy Awards hosted by Reese Witherspoon and James Spader. Enjoy!
Reese: Welcome to the 1st Annual Blog Envy Awards where we award the Blog God to Glo's community of bloggers!
James: It’s a unique pleasure to be sure. Why am I here?
Reese: Glo likes to steal celebrity personalities for her own use.
James: Ah. Then I have been here before.
Reese: (nods) But it’s my first time! Shall we get on with the awards?
James (shrugs and dials his lawyer)
Reese: What are you doing?
James: Getting better image protection….we should be able to sue her.
Reese: That’s not very nice, but probably necessary. People are starting to believe that Glo actually knows celebrities.
James: (guffaws rather rudely IMO as I do know several Z-listers)
Reese: (dials her lawyer)
(James and Reese exit stage right)
Okay, so the netcast didn’t exactly work out, but The Blog God must be awarded nonetheless in a post as long as any awards show. Please leave your acceptance speech in the comments and your Blog God will be e-mailed to you (if you provide me with an address of course).
Blog Design Awards
Best masthead
Winner: Omar and his amazing vole!
Best blog title
Winners: Cate for “my Mom dated Spike”; Cadiz for “do they read obituaries in hell?”; Scroob for “Scroobious Scrivenings"; Jen for "something quirky there"
Best blog description
Winner: Johnny Menace for the line “Something clever goes here"
Best sidebar comment....those things you never notice but when you do make you laugh
Winner: Amber for her Mulder quote; Jon for the Disclaimer; Cate for her headlines
Best use of template
Winner: Rain for the most calming site ever; 'ka for just plain having it going on
Best Polls
Winner: Tayster for the polls I'm scared to read.
Best use of statistics
Winner: Omar who always has to know
Best comment tag lines
Winner: Cate for true originality
Best non-existent blog:
Winner: Grendel’s Cave….trust me the guy is freaka funny every minute; Sabs who almost had a blog but didn't.
Best technical achievement
Winner: Glo for having mostly functioning links after 3 months of trying (and topping that by whining to Blogger until they made it easier to post pictures!); Jam for blowing up Dem’s blog
Blog Content Awards
Best Breast-related post
Winner: Lianne for the bra-buying excursion; Glo for the cleavage drawings
Best exploitation of cute babies
Winners: Bluths; Omar; Cate
Best comment strands
Winner: Glo for comment strands that live their own life
Best use of comments for wholly unrelated topics
Winners: Cate and Glo for being “chatty Americans”; Jam for the spam basket; Jon for his bulletin-board style
Best celebrity stalking
Winner: Jas for actually knowing celebrities; Glo for pretending she does
Best 100 List
Winners: Jas. Hands down. We’re all just wannabes, dear; except maybe Jon who did a pretty good impression; and Cate who actually wrote 100 separate things.
Best use of monkeys
Winners: Jam for starting it all; Dem for the Saving Private Demosthenes series; Cate for “Write, Story Monkey, Write!”
Best use of photos in a post
Winner: Omar for the invention of Hobo Bob and the vole
Best use of current events
Winners: Scroob; Jedith
Most skillful use of thievery of other people's wordplay for use on their own blog
Winners: Glo. It’s my gift; Cate. For stealing from me.
Best guest appearance on a blog
Winner: Mrs. Charlie. We all know her. We all love her.
Blog Buddy Awards
Best profile image
Winner: MEP for prettiest pic; Cate for most descriptive pic; Glo for most symbolic pic
Best smart cookie
Winners: MEP; Min
Best flatterer
Winner: Jam for explaining the role of flattery to Jedith
Honorable mention to Nadia who always made my day!
Best Glo-related flattery
Winner: Grendel (awww….the Baywatch comment…..); Sam for calling herself my “groupie”; Cate. Yes. It’s all about me.
Best mate that makes me long for the end of Singlehood
Winner: Chef for her adorable, organized Patrick; Scroob for her beloved; Omar the wife; Cate for…..he may have a weird nose, but she loves him.
Best me-related tag line
Winners: Dem for the line “Screw the Monkeys, I want some muffins!”; Omar for coining my nickname (thanks!); Cate for “Write, Story Monkey, Write!”
Best blogger impression of Glo minus 10 years
Winners: Glo for her marvelous existence as the over-intelligent teen; Syar for actually being one
Honorable Mention to the now-defunct We are Nowhere
Best cause of laughter-related urinary tract disorders
Winners: Jon for the post on falling up stairs. It nearly got me fired; Omar for the original vole post
Honorable mention to the now-defunct I’m An Intern in New York
Best Blog buddy a Drama Queen could ask for
Winner: Cate. You are my muse and my support. Love ya!; Omar. You’ve been in it from the start. You’re fab!; Lianne. How did I do this before you came?
Good night and thanks for tuning in....see you next year! And don't forget to watch for the next installment of 21 Things...coming soon to a blog near you!
I have newfound empathy for producers of awards shows. This thing took 3 hours to create and then blogger crashed just as I finished the links.....so I had to start again. You all deserve recognition. Thank you for all your support. And, yes, I'm taking a blog holiday. I'll be checking in on you all and will guest write over on Cate's as we keep 21 Things going. Until we meet again, my dear friends. Adieu. (Please don't forget to leave a comment if you want your Blog God!)
28 comments:
I don't know what to say...it was such a shock just to be nominated! Thank you! Thank you so much!
To my public, my agent, Orlando Bloom, and my fictional Aunt Patty, it's been one helluva ride!
Keep blogging!
i'd like to thank the academy for the awards i did win.
and now, i don't mean to sound ungrateful...but beast breast related post award should have had my name all over it! jazz...in strange places is boobie central!
i demand a recount!
thankyouverymuch
I... I don't know what to say! I so wasn't expecting this, I didn't have anything prepared! Let's see, I'd.. I'd first I'd like to thank the Academy. And the fans! Without you guys, none of this would be possible. I love you guys! And my lawyer, for keeping me out of trouble. I've got to thank my family, mom, dad, I love you guys! You raised me right! Um, and my son. Daddy loves you, but you should be in bed! Of course, my wife, who puts up with all of my antics. You're my world, honey. And.. um... I'm forgetting people, they're going to kill me! Um, Hytek hosting, for hosting omarphillips.net. My agent. Jym for helping me get the site going. Blogger and Movable Type. Um... And everyone else who had anything to do with the success of this site, thank you so much!
I'd like to close with a short story. When I was a boy, 10 years old, I came in second place in a spelling contest at my school. It wasn't a spelling bee, because it wasn't verbal, it was written. You can't call it a bee if it's not verbal, can you? Anyway, I won a little certificate, but I was clearly disappointed that I didn't win. I brought it home and showed my mom, she could see in my face that I was upset. She said, "Omar, there are 20 other kids who went home with nothing. You shouldn't be so focused on what you didn't do, focus on what you did do." To this day, I still think that's a load of bunk (pause for laughter). You play to win! And tonight, I feel that I can call myself a winner. Thank you, and goodnight.
Luckily for you glo, I'm on too much of a high right now to demand an explanation for this "blog holiday" you so casually mentioned.
What an unexpected honor. Nevertheless I'd like to share this prepared statement: no, just kidding. Totally unprepared. The attention alone makes me a happy camper; recognition, too? I'm practically speechless. Good thing I'm typing not talking.
Before I forget - Jazz: unfortunate typo, eh? Then again maybe not!
I'll close with this quote found on a fairly ordinary weblog, written by a decidedly ordinary person with some awesome virtual friends: "I offer me thanks and raise a toast to the lot of ye: no finer crew has ever sailed these seas, an' I'm honored to make the crossing with ye. For the treasure, mates; for the journey. Arrrrh!"
.... Wow this thing is heavier than i thought.... When my office got the call about the nomination.. they obiviously didn't tell me because i had no idea what i was nominated for.... I'd like to thank the poeple that mean the most me.... Rachel Bilson.... its because of you i watch the OC... please try to have a slip in your career that reduces you to late night cinemax b-movies.... (wrap up music) .... already.. oh come on it was a compliment.... hey stop pushing me.... .get your hands off me i'm not finished..... bush doesn't care about god blogs
Glo, just wondering what kind of holiday are you planning: the kind where you're not home because you're traveling, visiting / staying with friends, seeing new and favorite places? Or the kind where you concentrate on recharging, and pretty much drop off the face of the earth?
Combination, maybe?
You are the queen of creative...I have to say. I like the stick figure of James Spader the best. Enjoy your holiday...I'll miss you but it sounds like you've got a life to live...lucky girl.
Thanks for all you do!
Rock on!
I'm glad to see some controversy building up....bad press is better than no press! These awards will go on for a long time, I see.
Jam, Omar....it's an undefined holiday for undefined reasons. If/when I return, I'll love to see you back here. In the meantime, keep blogging!
Wow...Thanks to the Hollywood Foreign Press Association - what an incredible honor...Going to work every day on 21 Things is such a joy for us - we have the most talented and hard-working and just plain nice cast and crew, who deserve every praise...Our undying thanks to the BBC, for believing in our little show and...for proving that a couple of crazy girls with a completely crazy dream can make that dream come true. Thank you!
Oh, wait...I got my acceptance speeches mixed up again...
I'd like to thank the Blogger Academy for these incredible honors...It's too much...Glo, for being the best Blog Buddy and Real-Life Buddy a girl could ever hope for...Omar and Tayster for helping me with some - okay, all - of the trickier technical things...All my fabulous and discerning readers, for their comments and pageloads...And Blogger, for providing me with a platform for my particular brand of insanity. Blog On!
oh..... oh.... i'm so touched....
i'd like to thank the academy for giving me the award... oh... i'm so speechless... :P :D oh well, i'm suck at giving speeches... but thank youuuu!!! thank youuuu!!!! *jumping up and down*
I was scrolling down the list and I couldn't see my name. My tears of disappointment have now turned into tears of joy. thank you. best blogger impression of you? how much of an honour is that? and I thought nothing could top that time Jam dedicated an entire post to me. well guess what, that Blog God is getting the space I'm reserving for my nobel prize. YEAH! HUZZAH!
i'll miss you during your blog holiday. please come back soon. and send many, many postcards!!
and hello? *smacks head* how could i forget? congrats to you for all your blog gods. (I'm working my way to next year's best flatterer award. :-D)
A swell bang of a way to go out before a blog holiday.
Wow, with the exception of school sports and music awards, I've never received an academic award. I think this academy award makes up for everything! Thanks, academy.
Wow I won something. Now I may have to tinker just to see if it can happen again next year. Thanks everyone. I mean it :)
So... this blog holiday, is it over yet?
Wow, first of all, it was an honor just to be nominated. It’s to my understanding that I was nominated in over 438 categories. 3 wins is more than I could have hoped for. I promised I wouldn’t cry… hold on… (at this point in time, the crowd just groans because they see me cry all the time. Usually it’s a tomato in the eye (that happens approximately 4.3 times a day, seriously, I need to get this Lance kid out of here) but I’m also an emotional basket case that looses it when I see a particularly touching butterfly painting. (that happens approximately 5.8 times a day. They’re just so beautiful… I… I just can’t take it sometimes) and now I’m being forcibly removed from the stage. Typical.)
Jon, that last comment was a thing of parenthetical beauty. Well done. Is there an award for that?
First things first...you really don't know celebrities?! I feel so betrayed. Second, I was starting to worry that I would not be nominated for anything, but I do have a pretty cute baby, so one can deny that. And third, best breast related...I breast feed 24/7 I should get it cause I've got the best breasts around! Hoo wah!!
thanks, academy! [blows kisses]
6 days and no award yet....
I'm so happy I won someting. I thought my blog was a failure. I'd like to thank my...
Oh hey I just saw this!!! I am a smart cookie!
What can I say, thanks Glo...and I'd like to take this opportunity to thank my family, friends, neighbours....
I really need to check your blog more often, just so I can see how I much of a loser I really am.
I didn't even win for the "Most Misspellings on a Blog."
Now I know how Carrot Top feels.
*gulp* I... I'm so touched. So deeply touched. And shamed. Deeply, deeply shamed. Three categories! I won in three categories*, and I wasn't even here to receive my awards!
Well, all I can say - in honour of my Beloved - is to quote his own acceptance speech***: "Fuuuuck, bru!"
That, and thankewverymuch. Rilly. I mean that. Thankew.
* Well, I won in two, and my Beloved one in one, I guess**.
** What, no category for best use of footnotes? I'm going to have to rig these award things better next time around...
*** True story. He won an editing award in Johannesburg. The evening's entertainer had just told a joke about Capetonians having nothing much to say except, "Fuuuuuck, bru!" I don't think Beloved's speech went down too well, though...
Wow, just wow, i've been posting for three weeks, read all of your blogs and posted like twice on your site*, where's the recognition? C'mon people, even the french guy got something!
This was a godly idea by the way.
*As you can tell, i am a new blogger. Please visit my site, i need to talk to people!!!1
WOW
How fun is YOUR post, man. . .When you mentioned the misspellings, I thought about the Golden Razzies that come on right before the Oscars.
Nevertheless, what an interesting concept. Crafty, and Creative, to Boot.
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