The Polaroid snapshot of me at the Harry Potter party revealed I am almost pretty. A guy rushed his children off to another part of the store to maintain his conversation with Mrs. Charlie and me in the café line. At Panda Express, a man blushed and stammered, “I like your hair.”
Thus, I had a fairly good idea that Saturday’s trip to Universal City would serve its intended purpose of providing a much-needed hookup. I wanted a guy to pay attention, to remind me that I am still young, and mostly to be my slave for the evening.
My friends insisted we watch the mechanical bull at Saddleback Ranch rather than attending Tu Tu Tango as planned. The bull was boring to me and it was difficult to suppress my feminist impulses as I watched the hoards of men, cell phone cameras at the ready, who were waiting to add women to their personal porn collection.
Then the heavy hip-hop beat began. I suppressed my intellect, feeling inhibition slip away through the heady sensation of movement, which helps me to forget the utter hopelessness of developing a meaningful relationship with anyone who greets you by shoving a thigh through your legs (How unfortunate, really, as it would make such a lovely story to tell the grandchildren.).
I missed Sales Guy’s first glance, but I’m told it was quite cartoonish. I noticed him when he grabbed me to him in invitation. We danced. I thanked yoga a thousand times as he bent me back within inches of the floor and then jerked me back to his chest. My excellent sense of balance saved me as we spun about, twisted to the floor, and climbed back to the grind of the music. I’ve had some great dance partners, but this guy had unforgettable rhythm.*
We failed at conversation due to his overdependence on lame lines. “You’re so beautiful I can’t see anyone else here.” “All I need is your smile and I’m happy.” “I may never have to come back here now that I’ve met you.” I’m glad he liked my smile, because I couldn’t resist laughing at each non-clever recreation of the “love at first sight” line.
So we danced for about 2 hours before I said goodnight. The only unfortunate part was that his breath reeked of cigarettes (he smoked 4 while we danced) so I wouldn’t kiss him. Not that my rebuff stopped him from taking other liberties (which I won’t explain because my mom reads this stuff.)
I felt very happy at church today, so I made my usual silly commentary on everything. By the end of the day, I had a lovely little following of new friends. A slight tug on my lapel captured my attention. Glinting in the fluorescent lights of the hall, my newly returned badge of honor flashed, “Totally awesome chick.”
It’s amazing what a good weekend can bring.**
*For the number of times that I get the comment, "Where did you learn moves like this?" in obvious sexual overtones, I feel I should let you know that if skill on a dance floor is truly akin to sexual prowess (I wouldn't know), then I am well on my way to being yet another Idahoan sex star.
*Unfortunately, the weekend did not bring updated links. Sorry. I will do it tomorrow since I posted today.
Oh - should I disappear occasionally over the next week, write your flaming complaints to JK Rowling. It's all her fault.
23 comments:
few can resist the power of a dope beat, glo. glad to hear you had a fun time. but eiw on the cigarette breath.
do you think amazon will try and make it up to me for still not having sent hp6?
Those sales guys, they sure can talk a good game.
Interesting transition from talk about what liberties sales guy took to church...
Glad to hear you had a good weekend though! Hopefully that won't make you want to take any additional 4 DAY BREAKS from blogging again anytime soon.
Yeah, the 4 day breaks have got to stop. No matter that Harry Potter has been unleashed on the world. You must blog!
'diz - I am speechless over your predicament. I was so worried mine wouldn't come that I had entire books worth of plans for how I would respond.
omar- there was this fabulous and funny section about how long it took to wash my hair and get the smell of alcohol and cigarettes off my skin for church, but since you guys don't know that I'm really a good girl who *only* dances, I felt it sounded too "hypocrite church girl" for the general population. Too bad, though, because it was the only good stuff in the entry.
Cate - don't bug me. I'm reading as I type. Can I say how much I love Harry without sounding all scary pedophile?
Hahaha, Glo, I have to laugh at the part about trying to get the smell out of your hair b/c I have had the predicment WAY to many times. lol. I do believe there was one REALLY bad day when I went to church completely hungover and actually didn't shower before I left. That was clearly in HS when my parents still MADE me go to church no matter what state I was in. I think I was still drunk b/c I don't remember much of the service. I'm sure that was quite a sight, but I sat in the VERY back and talked to NO ONE. lol.
Now who sounds like the 'hypocrite church girl' - ME!
You can thank me later. :D
see i do explain, which is why my mom can't read my stuff. ;)
MEP - thanks for helping me to save face. I don't get embarrassed by my clubbing behavior, but I don't like being the source of undeserved gossip either. So, it's multiple washings, lots of body wash, and perfume for a few days. I did have this one great friend, though, who would wear her clubbing clothes to church the next day. We had a lot of fun with that, but I never have the nerve on my own.
Mel - It's a predicament, but I couldn't imagine having something that dominates my life like blogging and not sharing it with my mom.
That's why I like bars & clubs in NY, where people can't smoke.
Too bad I go out only once or twice a year. But when I come home, I smell fresh.
Glo, I'm glad I could help out at the expense of my own own image, haha. Although I must say, I never have worn the clothes from the night before to church! That's a little TOO much!
just as i was about to get very snarky with amazon, the book arrived in the mail. i'm on jury duty tomorrow, so i'm pretty sure i can get through a big chunk while i'm waiting.
i'm down with going out and kicking it, but it's always interesting to see people acting all pious at religious functions the day after i saw them getting hella skanky at the club the night before. more than anything, it's the act that's annoying, b/c of course, i was there, too.
It's for exactly that reason that I didn't write it. I don't want to be seen as one of the hypocritical, pious crowd. I am not embarrassed by my clubbing efforts because I don't do anything wrong. But the assumption is always that I'm scrubbing off the "sins" of the night before, which is crap, but it's what people think.
So, despite the fact that I pulled the funny paragraph, it's still, apparently, the take-home message.
demosthenes - I had the same pure geek moment as well. :)
Glo, I could absolutely use a weekend like yours. Maybe I should take up yoga first tho, lest I embarass myself by not following through after finding a dope beat to step to.
Btw, I should warn you...this is the start of my attempt to reap the bountiful rewards of the One Glorious Conundrum Frequent Flyer rewards program. Wish me luck! :)
which club did u go? i tawt no one can smoke indoor in CA...
sounds fab!
Whooo! Am proud member of FFR club!!
. . . is that better than the mile high club?
Hahaha.
OOOOh I love dancing and am way jealous of that. Since I'm sans transpo I never go downtown afterwork and dance. Mostly cuz I' so bored after working the weekend I'm unable to think clearly and need to sleep it off like a bad drunk. Also because I can't take the smoke. We're supposed to have a smoking bylaw but this is hick city so what the bylaw does is shit, eveyone stands inside, even in the summer, smoking anyways. And the dance floors are either 4x4 mini spaces so packed thst dancing means nodding your head, or they're littered with concrete support poles, that effectively break up the festivities by knocking you to the ground unforgivingly if you are unlucky enought to run into them. Oh I long for the city. I mau have to move:)
Nadia - I highly recommend yoga for dancing and Frequent Flyer benefit.
'ka - semi-outdoor venue, so people could smoke. Like I said, not my first choice for clubs, but sometimes you have to go along with the crowd.
jas - it was - hope you have a similarly fabulous night when you re-emerge from the library.
MEP - I think the FFR has more long-term benefits than mile high, yes, but that may just be IMO.
'ber - must play in the city. I hated dancing/bars in small towns, but now am quite fond of the scene.
Yes, Glo, probably much longer lasting than a trist in a cramped airplane bathroom. So yay! Have made the right choice. :D
Isn't trist a great word?
Hmm. I was expecting to see a parallel announcement for 21 Things. You know, saturation of the etherwaves and all that.
It's coming! Do you think I wouldn't get the word out??
That's better. What can I say? Patience is a virtue, but it isn't one of mine!
Wow, sounds great! I have to agree about the cig breath...bleck...I wouldn't have kissed him either...well, I don't think so :)
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