Ahem, Ahem. This Blog Needs Your Assistance.

Note from Self-Absorbed, Inc.: The blogger, 1gloriousconundrum, has enlisted the aid of our advertising department to instill some life into her flailing blog. It's probably not good for our rep (Let's face it. This blog was lame before it started.), but as our ad agency's only client, we could hardly turn her away. We have decided to do some research to discover the blog's flaws (as if one reading didn't make it obvious, but what the hell, it's our job). As her remaining 2 readers, I'm afraid the burden falls on you. We apologize deeply for forcing you to contemplate the torture which you have been under these past several months. Remember, it's for the good of humanity that you share your trauma with us. (Okay, maybe not so good for humanity, but it will make our job easier. That's what matters to us and we're human, so we're sticking with the humanity claim.)

Question the First
I was originally attracted to this blog by:
1) a cruel dictator who forced me to view it repeatedly.
2) my crazy psycho roommate/spouse who claimed they would kill the dog if I didn't read it.
3) the blogger, who seems terrifying enough to make my dictator/roommate/spouse seem nice.
4) the witty commentary (as I have obviously suffered a lobotomy).

Question the Second
I continued to read this blog because:
1) I was still under the control of an evil dictator/roommate/spouse.
2) I was fairly sure the blogger was leaving threats under my door.
3) I have OCD and am unable to stop an activity once I have begun it.
4) the witty commentary (as I have obviously suffered a lobotomy).

Question the Third
My favorite part of the blog is:
1) The punishment I avoid by being able to report I read it.
2) The awareness that no small animals will be killed if I continue to read it.
3) The calming of nerves that comes from repeating the same action perpetually.
4) it makes me feel a lot funnier, even after suffering a lobotomy.

Question the Fourth
My least favorite part of the blog is:
1) the electric charges that emit when I say "Man, this is lame!"
2) the incessant whining of the blogger and her insane need for flattery.
3) the fact that I may die if I circle #2.
4) the beginning, middle, and end of each post.
5) the fact that I may be tortured for hours if I circle #4.

Question the Fifth
I would like to see pictures on this blog.
1) For the love of mercy! Will the pain never stop!
2) Only if it will lead to permanent peace in the middle east.
3) I have personally destroyed Hello! to make sure that never happens.
4) As I am unable to stop loading the page, it really doesn't matter.

Questions the Sith
The best way to desribe the blogger is:
1) terrifying
2) pervasive
3) haunting my dreams/nightmares
4) funny if you've had a lobotomy.

Question the Seven
My favorite movie is: (This question has no value for the survey, but we thought we'd give you a break from the vomiting.)
1) Real Genius
2) Emperorer's New Groove
3) Two Weeks Notice
4) Pride and Prejudice
5) Something not listed here as these are obviously the blogger's favorite movies.

Question he Ateth.
How far would you move to escape this blog if we could distract the psychotic influences in your life forcing you to read it?
1) At least 5 miles.
2) Across state lines.
3) Somewhere in the midwest where they don't have computers.
4) I am already planning to change my name and go into hiding for that very purpose.

Question the Tent
I found this survey useful.
1) It kept me from getting murdered by a crazed dictator/roommate/spouse.
2) My medication dosage was reduced slightly by reloading it several times.
3) For what? Cleaning the carpets.
4) It made me feel like the funnest status-post lobotomy victim ever.

Well, that's it. Be aware we'll probably do nothing with the responses. The blogger is rather dead-set on continuing to turn out drivel. But we tried. And our careers were already in the toilet, so what does it matter. Sorry to torture you, though. You seem like you deserve better, but we don't really know you all that well.