Just to Pass the Time

I am so bored today.

I am so bored that rather than take my migraine meds during the prodromal period, I sat back and enjoyed the pretty light show during the visual hallucination phase.

I am so bored that I arranged my animal crackers into a mock-up of the Serengeti and then ate them according to the food chain. I'm finishing the lions right now.

I am so bored that I sponsored a Dietitian Idol contest. I cried when I won even though I was the only contestant. My rendition of "Don't Stand So Close to me" by the Police during the 1970s challenge was really quite moving.

I am so bored that I challenged myself to initiate at least 3 conversations that would necessarily include the word "naked". Thanks to the intern's description of her friend's experience with nude hiking, I have achieved my goal.

I am so bored that I walked the halls for 15 minutes inventing excuses to talk to patients, even though no one really needs me today.

I am so bored that I blogged about nothing at all, even though I blogged last night so that I wouldn't be tempted to blog on work time. The hospital just paid me $10 to write a blog about how bored I am.

I am so bored that my low salary doesn't even bother me.

I am so bored that I just googled Hazel B. Bonkers. She is obviously looking for love in all the wrong places.

Hazel,34 from UKSingle female, 5ft 4, long dark hair, green eyes, would like to correspond with single guys from anywhere. Must have a good sense of humour, be a good conversationalist and have own teeth!

(My favorite part of this page was that someone named Sarah in the UK apparently has long reddish shoulder hair. Must pause to giggle again at that typo.)

I am so bored that I wasted 30 minutes creating silly nicknames for all the residents. I would share, but I think that would get me fired.

I am so bored that I held a mini-memorial for The Mostly Ignorant News because I have decided that while it amuses me to no end, it does not meet the needs of my target audience. Prior to the memorial, I had quite a debate with myself about the role of this blog and who may be reading it and why it exists. I found that debate very dull and absolutely no relief to boredom, so I held the memorial anyway and e-mailed Hazel to wish her luck in finding a toothed man in the UK (ha, ha - just a little biased American humor there).

I am so bored that I actually considered e-mailing Hazel, 34, UK.

I am so bored that I used my measuring tape to mark off a to-scale Serengeti preserve on my desk. It is now very difficult to get any work done at all since 3/4 of the space is protected land for the preservation of paper clips, pens, and styrofoam cups.

Finally, I am so bored that I snuck out early. See ya suckas!