To drown my sorrows, I have purchased a Mango smoothie and a large salad for the Dietitian Drinking Game! Care to play along?
Grab your favorite 100% fruit beverage and a tray of crunchy veggies. Yum, yum! Bet you can't wait to start the fun. The play at home version also requires a telephone, but I just use the dietitians who swarm about me. To start, go here. Pick any letter and then any disease. Call your local dietitian and inform him/her that you have this disease. Ask "What should I be eating?" Once she/he starts to talk, you are ready to play.
Here are the rules:
Take your first shot of yummy veggie when she turns all sympathetic. Dip the vegetable in ranch dressing every time she empathizes.
Take 1 shot 100% fruit juice if she immediately refers you to the physician. Write your mom to thank her for teaching you that silly thing about apples and doctors.
If she mentions "good carbs", take 3 shots of vegetables to equal 1 good carb.
Take 2 shots of fruit juice every time she mentions antioxidants and/or sodium.
Take 3 shots of vegetables every time she mentions fats - 1 for each little glyceride molecule!
Take a shot of each every time she mentions fruits AND vegetables in any combination.
For "heart health", take 2 shots vegetables and 1 shot fruit.
For "stroke" take 2 shots fruit and 1 shot vegetables.
For "diabetes" take 1 shot vegetables - no sweets for you!
For "cancer" throw away the shot glass, chug the juice and snarf the vegetables - just to be safe.
For "kidney disease" take nothing - because that's what you'd be eating on a renal diet.
If she mentions a supplement, drop the phone, run to the 'frig'. Blend together 3/4 cup milk, 1/4 cup chocolate sauce and 1 multivitamin. Congratulations. You have just made Ensure.
Finally, if she mentions obesity, quote the CDC's downgrading of obesity as a major cause of death. If she insists that weight is an important focus, scream "Sizeism!" and threaten to report her to the Medical Director. We dietitians always find that screechingly hilarious! Take no shots, of course, because you've just been told you're fat.
So, there you have it. The Dietitian Drinking Game. Guaranteed to provide 5-a-day and keep you cancer free. Hope you all had as much fun reading about it as I have living it!
6 comments:
Andy's departure from the blogosphere was most ill-timed, I agree. His readers barely had time to register (and make a habit of clicking on) a link to the funniest blog in existence (yours) before Andy stopped posting. How inconsiderate. Someone should write to Andy and complain.
Interesting game idea...way to modivate your readers to eat their veggies...hee.
This will sound silly but I rediscovered snow peas...I use to eat peas-in-the-pod ALL the time when I was a kid...fresh from my grandma's garden. Yum yum. So there are a few veggies I'll eat.
I just got home from the grocery store so I'm all about food right now.
Yum.
I didn't have a fruit beverage or vegetables on me. I substituted cream soda and Tim Hortons "TimBits" (donut holes) instead.
That was the tastiest 10 minute conversation ever.
my god. i got full just reading about the game.
take heart. click on andy's profile. he has TWO, count them, 1,2, new blogs in the works...
but don't spread it about yet. he hasn't written anything. i miss that guy too. you know we met? he's a doll.
and dear, you're linked. i'm not going anywhere. i think you're FABULOUS
I was also so sad to see Andy go.
And thanks for the game, now I have a way to pass an unproductive and boring Friday afternoon at work!!
You are the greatest!
Thanks for all the kudos. And, with the exception of Omar, I feel comforted knowing that I have spread some much-needed antioxidants around the world.
The game is really it's most fun the more exotic the disease. Try it with Bora Bora sleeping sickness sometime...
Post a Comment