Blogger Therapy (New and Improved)

This day is making me crazy! I need professional help! Alas, I am covered by an HMO. By the time I get approval, I will either be laying in a bloody pool or completely recovered.

I turned on some Alanis and the first song was '8 Easy Steps.' One line was particularly appropriate (I would have written the Latin word, but my spelling is even iffier in Latin than French), so I bring you...How to Hate Women When You're Supposed to be a Feminist.

I work in an office with 6 of 'em. Even the computers get moody once per month. Today was the worst. By the end of the day, not only had The Queen Bee polished her crown, but another coworker had received an official nickname: Chicken Little. Soon, I'll be anonymously blogging about them, unless of course, I decide to keep my job, since it is my dream job and all.

Now, a deep breath before I engage in an old therapy standby...10 things I'm happy about. In...out...in...out...and now....10 reasons that women are the best:

1. We're just more communal. If I'm gonna cry, I want to be surrounded by girls who will blurt through their tears, "I know just how you feel!"

2. We cleaned our bathrooms before we got married.

3. Multi-tasking. It is possible to watch the game and talk to someone at the same time. Plus, if you miss it, you can always watch the replay. For example, I wrote this at work and edited it during Lost.

4. Breasts. Admit you're shocked I waited so long to mention them.

5. They remember details about your life. When I mentioned I had changed my moving date, Chicken Little immediately recalled that I had had a different appointment that day. She lamented with me the loss of a much-desired event (sorry to be vague).

6. Better clothes. Sorry guys, but your styles have changed by a button or two in the last 50 years.

7. Shoes. Of course they need a separate category. How very male of you to debate it!

8. Romance novels.

9. There is rarely a social cause that hasn't required women in order to be successful. If we can ever get over inter-gender competition, we are a miracle in action.

10. We get to be moms. Moms are cool. Moms are who you call after a day like today. They make you laugh and cry and rage. They tell you you're cool, beautiful, and wonderful - even if the Queen Bee was really mean to you and Chicken Little makes you wish the sky really would fall.

Ok. I'm off the edge. No bloody pools today. Good thing, too, because all my hard work is beginning to reap rapacious rewards.

The Sierra Club has once again voted me its favorite non-paying member and awarded me the Address Labels of Esteem. With just a $25 addition on my part, I could even have my own shoulder bag emblazoned with the Sierra Club Logo.

My mother cried a bit when I told her. Ever since the first day I chose not to double bag my groceries, she knew I would be a famous conservationist. My father, a true Republican, has determined to forgive me someday, but for now he needs some space. It's alright. The Address Labels are worth every sacrifice.

Now I'm off not to kick a dog. Last year, the humane society also rewarded me with the honor of non-paying membership. I am such a philanthropist.