If Congress can step in and make decisions about Terry Schiavo's life, then they can ban people from EVER taking a picture of me. Maybe it would be easier to ban photo development in general...but that wouldn't stop digital photos, camera phones, and even security cameras.
Photos are bad for people. They may not steal souls, but they definitely rob one's dignity. Unless you're Jennifer Aniston. Then, photos must be great. Photos would be a constant reminder that you are an object of desire, that your hair starts fashion trends. For me, though, they just kill my self-esteem.
First, photos are 2-dimensional representations of 3-dimensional people. That 3rd dimension has to go somewhere! Mine likes to get ironed flat so that I come out looking round and "big". I'm not thin, but I'm NOT that fat (my BMI is above 25 but well below 30!). My sister and I weigh the same, but I'm curvy and she's straight. In pictures, she looks fine and I look like a whale!
Worse, my face. My face is normal, I promise, albeit a little round. But I have high cheekbones and small eyes. It's a tragic combination in photos. I end up all cheeks and no eyes - like 1950s art of sumo wrestlers. Humiliation!
Finally, my clothing. I like bright colors. They match my personality. But, in every picture, I stand out. So, you get to see this bright, round, HUMONGOUS person in between all the normal sized people with eyes. It's very disturbing to my sense of overall well-being, and, to be honest, having just seen a photo of my department where I look like the worst disgrace ever to hit the dietetics profession, makes me want to curl up in a corner and die!
So, Congress, while you're busy making individual choices for your constituents, please throw in my simple request that I get reparations for damages caused me by others' clicker-happy behavior. I want a piece of this "culture of life" you're creating. Give me back my dignity!
P.S. Call my aunt. I'm ready for that Extreme Makeover.
7 comments:
While they're at it, they can ban photos of me as well. Note to self: call Congressman immediately!
Time for a grass roots effort! Who's with me?
We will ban all photos not containing abnormally tiny women, androgen-developed well-muscled men, and children under the age of 9.
I'll let them take all the photos they want...just don't let me see them.
There's one of the whole clan (on my mom's side) from Thanksgiving a few years ago...I'm wearing a puffy vest and I'm turned to the side...it just looks awful.
I keep my fav pic of Alyssa Milano in my planner...it looks a lot like me if I was 50 pounds lighter...it's an easy stretch to tell myself I look like that.
I think mirrors should be banned too...somehow.
Okay. So next time someone wants a picture, I'm calling you, Pam. I just ducked under the table to avoid an impromptu 'photo shoot' at lunch and will continue to do so until someone proves to me that they can take a picture where I don't look like the Pillsbury Dough Boy!
I am definitely with you. Photos are evil. Evil I tell you. Add cheap digicams and phonecams to the list of Crawley's* handiwork.
And cosmetics makeover people. Superevil.
*Good Omens. Read it. In the unlikely event you haven't already.
I can see I need to start a petition. Sorry, Pam, but it seems the world may be a happier place without having to know how we 'actually' look - and definitely would be better without knowing what we should be improving....Still smarting a bit over cosmetics lady. The girls at church kept joking me about being 'old' - I told them we would do nothing but rake old ladies lawns if they kept saying it. I LOVE the power I wield in my new responsibilities!
How funny! I may have to add animals to my list of things that can be photographed...silly Oreo!
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