My right ovary wants a baby and it is willing to punish me into giving it one. Knowing full well that I have no intention of pregnancy and that there will be no sperm awaiting its precious egg, my right ovary jabs me through the abdomen when it releases cargo. I double over in pain as my ovary commences war through my other systems. My temperature elevates, my gut seizes in cramps, all capillaries constrict in my head, water pools in my extremities, and my psychosocial health takes a nose dive. The blitz lasts for 2 weeks until the tanks can roll out - then I get to endure 5 full days of abdominal cramping, migraines and anemia. Finally, my ovary admits defeat and releases me with a final knife to the pelvis.
When I finally find a sperm I am willing to admit into my body, I am SOOOO not giving the right ovary the satisfaction. Even if it did produce offspring, I am convinced that it has genetically altered all the eggs to create monstrous babies with multiple heads. No way am I giving that ovary the satisfaction of giving life to its Frankenstein genetic codes. Any body part as evil as my ovary can only be isolated and destroyed, as my body will do for me in approximately 240 more cycles.
In the meantime, beware the red-faced, swollen, shrieking lady knocking kids over on her way to the Symphony bars.
5 comments:
ROTFLMAO! (But you should know that when I first read the title, I thought it said female orgasms. Ummm...)
Oh. My. Word. And people say childbirth is difficult...at least it happens once (per kis) and you get something out of it...this sounds like water torture...you poor thing!
I love the way you describe it though...I can almost feel it all myself.
Ok, that should be kid, not kis in that last comment...silly me.
i TOTALLY thought it said female orgasms. That's why I went to read it!
I should change it, but it's too perverted to leave it that way.
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