Tonight's Query: Why Am I Not Working?

I brought home a mountain of work tonight. I have 4 days to submit my presentation for the conference where I'll be speaking in 3 weeks. There is research to read, public speaking to practice and a power point to create. But what am I doing tonight? Creating a blog.

I have been threatening to do so for weeks. There's a fabulously anonymous voyeurism in blogging. I can say and do whatever I please. Perhaps that's why I'm not working. My work requires me to meet someone else's standards but creating this blog meets only my needs. Of course, tomorrow when I'm panicking over the unwritten presentation, I will wonder exactly how I met any of my immediate needs by creating this entry.

As for my journey of self-awareness, this week I am trying to understand my unusual attitude towards romantic love. I think I'm broken. Why do people need to be 'in love'? If I answer that, next question: "Why don't I need to be 'in love'? What does that mean for me as a person?

And so I go back to work. Tired, still obsessed with trying to understand myself, and not having accomplished much at all tonight.