“Wow!” I yelled to my snoozing cats. “108 messages! I can’t wait to see what lies in store for me!”
I rubbed my hands together (mostly for warmth but I enjoyed the dramatic effect as well), then clicked on the first message.
You may have already won!
I leapt out of my chair a little. I couldn’t believe my friends had cared enough to send me a positive affirmation.
Glo, do you remember me?
Alas, I had to tell my dear forgotten friend that I don’t remember him, his products, or even my own name, it appears.
Do you want a free iPOD?
My friends are so caring. How do they afford such gifts?
One survey will earn you $50 guaranteed!
Thank you so much, dear kind future employer, but I’m quite happy at my job. If that changes, I’ll be sure to drop you a line.
I kept reading through each adoring missive. It’s difficult to be so loved by lame product manufacturers eager to sell me lame stuff for nothing flat. I felt a tear or two slip onto the keyboard to caress the letters j,u,n,k. It was a moment not to be ignored.
While I felt sad to reject so many kind offers, I felt obligated to advance my spam filter to a higher level. It is, of course, my fault. I can never resist a ‘secret shopper’ line and thus have signed up for every ounce of spam on the planet.
Lucky for me, years of embracing Monty Python have turned spam into a giggle-worthy event. As I hit delete, I sang to myself, “Spam, spam, spam, spam. Spam, spam, spam, spam. Wonderful spam!” Next time, I will remember to order the spam with spam on a side of spam instead of checking my email.
11 comments:
This part I really like: you fire up your computer and check messages "...to see how much the real world had missed" you.
This so totally makes sense to me.
(Welcome back. I'm at work today. D'Oh!)
Radioactive, the Internet IS the real world! Come on, man! Didn't you watch the Matrix? ;)
So sorry you were spammed out. :P My service provider gives me an external junk mail filter. Every two weeks it lets me know that I've accumulated quite the pile, and I can sort it by sender, check all for deletion, then skim them to ensure I don't know anyone on the list.
[And add people onto the "allow through" list, as appropriate.]
Here's a can of mint jelly to help you consume all that spam. [[mint jelly]] :)
i am also overwhelmed by the love that your friends have for you.
if only i were so lucky. ;)
i can understand if you feel loved 'cuz even tho you're away, those spammers still remember you
i wonder if those spams really work.. that people in their right mind fall into their ads.
I haven't had spam since I moved to gmail.
I'm unloved.
I need pie.
This is good one, "Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” Nice blog.
Mmmmmmm, email. Only one or two messages per day make it through my spam filters. So when they do, I feel obligated to read them. It turns out that they're usually not all that fun to read. Lots of spelling mistakes and stuff.
Anyway, good to have you back!
One (of my many) email accounts regularly spits up 75 spam emails every weekend. I guess I'm loved, too.
Glo, you are loved. Really! I've started getting spam, too, but Gmail is pretty good about keeping it out of the inbox. I'm always worried, though, that something real will end up being tagged spam, and I'll never see it.
Monty Python rocks.
That's all I have to say.
I lied - I have more to say.
I used my aunt's laptop while we were at her house for the holidays...now I want one sooo much! Mine is 10 years old (I think...it was a gift) and weighs as much as my son :)
And now the Spam chant is stuck in my head...thanks sooo much! Hee.
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