Serving Two Masters

Now, when your friend pre-emptively posts a list of self-esteem boosters on a day that doesn't go your way at all, you count yourself lucky. When that friend also found you the perfect celebrity crush just one day before.....you realize that divine power must have once again intervened on your behalf. For, despite what Cate posted about me, I have done nothing to deserve such an amazingly loyal friend, who blindly sees the best in me and never points out that I lose my mind on a regular basis.

So, here are 5 reasons you should all be tearing apart the Internet trying to find out Cate's favorite cookies in an attempt to woo her to your friend list:

1. She found me a celebrity crush who has studied opera, acquired nunchuck skills, undertook to interpret Idaho, and been on an epic quest. Edward Atterton is now my boyfriend as he is the first man to meet all the necessary qualifications per the Dating Application.

I love you, baby!

2. She has endless patience with her friends. It has not been an easy summer in Glo-land, but she has been there by phone, chat, e-mail, and blog without hesitation. Despite the 3 million times I've needed to rehash why I am completely overhauling all of my beliefs about love, dating, men, society, etc., she has listened attentively as though we didn't just discuss the exact same points an hour earlier. That's true friendship.

3. Very few adults maintain a great imagination, but Cate's is stellar. Surpassed only by her amazing sense of humor and willingness to laugh.

4. Vocabulary. She's a walking dictionary. I love that she always knows the perfect word for any situation or sentence. And she gets it by reading. I think she's read every book ever written and can recall it perfectly years later.

5. Her taste in nearly everything is incredible, but she'll never criticize yours, even if it sucks. When we were compiling a list of songs we like for a certain show we will someday produce, she said, "Well, you probably haven't heard this one because it hasn't been on the radio." That was Cate for "Your taste in music borders on the pitiful." When I pointed that out, she proclaimed it false and insisted I make a CD, too. I did. It's pitiful. But she'll accept it and pretend to enjoy it. Because she's the greatest friend a crazy, mixed-up woman like me could want.

------------------Master the Second--------------------------

Okay, I have been accused of being something I can't spell that basically means I hate men. Believe me, this is false. Were it true, I would be a lot happier. However, I do criticize men because this blog is where I unload the crap that screws with my head. By turning it funny - creating bitter satire - I can leave it and walk away the open-hearted, caring person I like to be.

Now, up until a week ago, I had a thing for men who dated me but never cared a whit for me. I kept no male friends. Thus, my experience with men is more than skewed. I have learned a lot this summer. I have guy friends. They are amazing. They care about me in a way that women cannot. I appreciate them so much, and probably don't tell them that often enough because I still don't know how to communicate platonic love with a group of people I used to reserve for sexually-charged encounters. So, I'm sorry, guys, if you don't know that I adore you. I will figure it all out and I believe you'll be patient enough to let me do that.

All that lovely sentiment in no way destroys my love of flirtation and hoogity. So, to maintain the lovely Glo flavor that you've come to expect, allow me to illuminate for you just how much I love men....

that smell of soap and sweat.....the pronounced deltoid muscle...the boy that emerges when a favorite team scores.....the over-confident shrug....that place in the cheek where women have fat pads but men just have skin....scruff against my neck....running my fingers along a cleanly shaved cheek.....that look of intensity paired with insecurity and daring that comes with a first kiss....the shoulder blade....the extra length between rib cage and hip bone....that growl or whimper that tells you to continue what you were doing....bragging and trash talk....the lack of need to label or explain everything....that "I don't think about it" is an honest answer....complete involvement in whatever has his attention....that strange affinity for wires and things that require power....the inability to explain why sports are played the way they are.....hands with prominent knuckles that just seem to fit smaller ones....that hungry, possessive way a guy can kiss you until you've lost your ability to remember anything beyond 'hold on'....that guy way of talking to a child where he puts his hand on the shoulder of the child and talks to him or her like an adult that forgot to grow....and that ever-present smell of soap and sweat....

All right. That should do for now. I am out of town for the next few days as the wedding has arrived. I will try to stop by over the long weekend, but I can make no promises. And thus I bid you a fond farewell until next we meet.